Why is important to set boundaries

Personal boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. These limits are important, because they set the basic guidelines about how we want to be treated. Boundaries are the measure of self-esteem and they set the limits for acceptable behavior from those around us, determining whether they feel able to put us down, make fun, or take advantage of our good nature.

“Boundaries that often fail are those that include the words ‘always,’ ‘never’ or any absolute language,” said Bridget Levy, LCPC, a therapist who works with couples and directs business development at Urban Balance. Those boundaries are usually unrealistic and don’t last, she said. She shared these examples: “You can never” or “You must always.”

At times, we get that feeling often, and then it is time to draw the line and take decisions that will positively affect our life. Weak boundaries and not setting limits, usually leaves us vulnerable, making it easier for others to take us for granted or damage our personality.

A healthy self-respect will produce boundaries that show the people we deserve to be treated well. Also, this will protect us from exploitative relationships and help us to avoid getting too close to persons who don’t have their best interests.

In time, boundaries will update. It happens that the time that we give to others is much more limited because of new relationships and family. Clarifying the boundaries will help us to exchange the belief “I want to please others” to “I value my time and want to keep some for myself.”

We need to accept the fact that the people around us might not be with us along the way, because they were used to our old ways of dealing with things. It is a small price to pay, in my opinion, as relationships that are meant to be will grow stronger in time and will survive.

It’s important to be consistent with the new boundaries, and keep them simple. Staying calm at times is the best answer and we have to be responsible for our reactions, instead of blaming other people.

Strong, clear boundaries will achieve more respect in time. We get the chance to be ourselves to a greater extent asking for what we want and need without fear of judgment, helping us to grow healthy and long-lasting relationships.

(Image Source – Unsplash, Annie Spratt)

12 gânduri despre “Why is important to set boundaries

  1. Oh sure I believe in long distance romance! I’m just too easy going; haha. Thanks for making me smile this morning I was too sad about all the chaos!
    Have a lovely day! 🤗

  2. People say we should have boundaries, and that they are Healthy. But I wonder how firmly we will stick to our own boundaries. Will you „cave in” as soon as someone says your boundary sucks? Will you hold firm even if its against a family member?

    Imagine this: Your car is in the shop. A co-worker gives you a ride home in their car after work. It takes a half-hour to get you home. During this time, in someone else’s car, they are playing a Music CD that they love, but you think its stinks. They are doing you a favor bu giving you a ride home. Do you ask them to turn it off? I think MOST people would put up with it.

    Now lets go one step further. You take a weekend Day-trip. 3 hrs one way. And you will be playing YOUR favorite music because you love it and music makes the whole trip better. You are driving and it is your own car. But–-one other family member is with you. No one forced them to go on this trip with you. But after you get 3 or 4 miles from home, you turn one of your music CD’s on…..and they hate it. It goes like this:

    Them: Turn that crap off. I hate it. Listen to that on YOUR OWN time.
    But you are trying to set boundaries. Because this person nearly always, tries to Dominate every situation, even in „little” ways like this. Its YOUR car, but THEY are already trying to establish control–and you’ve already been sick of it, for months!
    You: Excuse me? #1. Who is in charge in YOUR house, and in your yard, and IN YOUR Car? Well, now your on MY „turf” and I have the same rights as you, to be in charge, here!
    Them: but, I’m a captive audience.
    You: No you’re not. I’ll be more than happy to pull over and let you out. What would I do if you weren’t here? I’d still play the music. Why should I diminish my happiness just because you are here? Why can’t I be myself? Why should being with you mean I need to restrict or inhibit myself?
    Them: its called „being considerate”.
    You: Then YOU can „be considerate” and not try to tell me what to, or what not to do, in MY Car, where I’M in charge, just like you are in your car.
    Them: Well, going without that Music for 2 hrs. won’t kill you.
    You: by the same token, having it on for 2 hrs. won’t kill you either.
    Them: I have a Headache.
    You: How convenient. And if i shut it off, you’ll have a „headache” on all future trips, too.
    Them: You suck.
    You: and you, are always trying to tell the other guy what to, what not to do, or how to do it. I’m sick of it. MY Car, MY rules. Who’s in charge in your car?
    Them: welllll…..iii wouldn’t do this. You’re being mean.
    You: Ha! I’m not so sure. And look, I’m doing, what I would be doing, anyway, even if you weren’t here. Same behavior on my part. And besides–-NO ONE FORCED YOU to ride with me. When you are in YOUR house or in your yard or in your car, you can do things your way. But right now, you’re not, and I have the SAME RIGHTS. And now, questions:

    Was the Driver within his/her „assertive rights”?
    Do you admire the courage of this driver, or would you call the driver a Narcissist?
    If the driver „gives in” and shows „consideration”, then the passenger has just manipulated or dominated him/her on their own property or Turf. If you cave in here, how long do feel it will be before this same passenger finds or invents 4 other situations where YOU should give-in and „show more consideration” ? ? Share this far and wide. Tell me what you think, and why. Thanks for reading this.

Lasă un răspuns

Completează mai jos detaliile tale sau dă clic pe un icon pentru a te autentifica:

Logo WordPress.com

Comentezi folosind contul tău WordPress.com. Dezautentificare /  Schimbă )

Poză Twitter

Comentezi folosind contul tău Twitter. Dezautentificare /  Schimbă )

Fotografie Facebook

Comentezi folosind contul tău Facebook. Dezautentificare /  Schimbă )

Conectare la %s

Acest site folosește Akismet pentru a reduce spamul. Află cum sunt procesate datele comentariilor tale.