Questions, questions

I have been told once by a person that I used to like that I don’t know what I want, and that I tend to hover a lot about powerful decisions. I guess that his acknowledgment got me off guard at that time, and accepted it as a truth.

I am only 24 at this moment, but things started making sense, and I got to have my own opinions about what I think, about the world and myself. I am not perfect, I got my big life full of messy things, and I continue making mistakes and learning from them.

I never actually knew what I wanted from life, truthfully speaking. I only learned as I went, stepping on shards of glass and at times, found my comfort zone on a fluffy carpet.

Life has thrown me out into circumstances that I did not realize I could go through, I laughed at the danger, trusted unworthy people, smiled when life got critical and said thank you to enemies.

One normal person could say that I am crazy and maybe, way too naive for this mean world, but hey, that’s just me. I don’t know for how long I can keep the spark of goodness within me, but I know that I still want to be kind, when everybody else is yelling and swearing around me.

If I don’t always have answers to life’s biggest questions, it’s okay. Nobody really knows anything, we discover as we go. Clues and hints are present at all steps if we have faith and believe in ourselves.

…………………………………………………………………….

At the end of the day, you need to take some for yourself while sipping that hot cup of tea, and understand that you only need to live for now, without worrying about what you want, but what makes you happy. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

(Image Source – Unsplash, Kira auf der Heide)

Rain and the early autumn

Working at home does offer a good experience to get in touch with my environment and feel at peace. It gets lonelier at times, but I get to know myself, and I have time to reflect upon my thoughts and make better decisions. Especially when the weather changes.

These days rained a lot, and the temperature decreased. Honestly, I loved the cold breeze and the fast droplets of rain stumbling through the windows at the first hours of dawn. It was like a breath of fresh air after the summer drowsiness.

In the morning, I would open wide the windows and doors, letting the purified, cold air to enter the apartment while enjoying a cup of hot coffee covered in a soft blanket. I felt like I invited the early autumn into my home, but it never felt so good.

Autumn senses

I got mesmerized by the sunrise and sunset, altogether. I would get lost in the clouds while watching them, dancing through the ruffled sky. Ironically, I was always fascinated by the clouds.

In September during school, after finishing my tests and paperwork, I would stare at the blue autumn sky. The teachers used to blame me for not paying attention to their classes and tried to keep me focused. I guess I was a dreamy girl that loved the clouds, correction, still am.

I can’t feel guilty for such an innocent pleasure, loving the clouds and the early autumn rain. The white noise that covers everything, which is like silence but not empty. The cold shivers that makes your skin tremble and wake up to your senses.

In the end

In life it’s important to not fear the rain, hiding through an umbrella at all times. You need to let the rain kiss you, beat upon your head with silver liquid drops, to sing you a lullaby.

And if you get wet and muddy through the process, remember to look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

(Image Source – Unsplash, eberhard grossgasteiger)

Life trails

Since our childhood, we are educated and advised to avoid certain items in our lives, simply because it is bad. Curious beings as we are, we always tend to hesitate and choose the forbidden way, even if it’s immoral.

We start with desserts, we are advised not to eat much and therefore we should stay away from carbs because it’s the best way, we should listen. But if we don’t, what happens?

We are all familiar with the reaction, and are punished and argued all the way through to the end because we have chosen the wrong approach. And we still do it, because we are curious and attracted to the new things that we haven’t experienced yet.

Hence, we risk indigestion, if we consume a lot of desserts. It’s known and felt by our organs. We don’t need anyone else to tell us that is bad because now we know why is good to stay away from it and eat less.

Life trails

This life is so full of fantastic things to discover and choose from, that impossible to stay away from everything. As we grow up, we get an attitude and learn to stand up for our decisions, even if they are not the greatest ones, because we think we know better.

Our parents may get tired in time and don’t have enough energy and strength to take every step with us, on this long journey of life. At some point, we arrive at a crossroads and we have to decide our next trace.

Ironically, we think that our minds are mature, that we learned everything that was to be known, and go blindfolded on the road that has the most pits and challenges. We think that this is our life and we must bear our cross, tending to forget that Jesus already did that for us.

This is how we move through life, by not knowing and confronting challenges all the time, thinking that we know everything that is to be known and then we fall again and have to start from the beginning; Stepping on burned charcoal with excitement only to suffer the burns caused after.

Life lessons

If we have mistaken our path and chosen the incorrect trail, don’t worry. Mistakes have the power to turn us into something better than we were before.

If this time we haven’t made it right, then don’t worry, we have only a thousand chances to make it as we dream, next time. Don’t be startled by the mountain ahead, the struggles that we are facing, and the chances that we are taking. The battle has just begun and we are only moving forward with faith and perseverance.

It’s important to acknowledge that God doesn’t bring us lessons to close our hearts. He brings us lessons to open them, by developing compassion, learning to listen, seeking to understand instead of speculating, practicing empathy and developing conflict resolution through communication.

If he brought us perfect people, how would we ever learn to spiritually evolve?

Rain droplets

“I looked out the window at the black clouds ahead of us. I opened the back window and smelled the rain. You could smell the rain in the desert even before a drop fell. I closed my eyes.

I held my hand out and felt the first drop. It was like a kiss. The sky was kissing me. It was a nice thought. It was something Dante would have thought. I felt another drop and then another. A kiss. A kiss. And then another kiss.”


― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

The spark within

Hello, dear writers and readers! How have you been?

Needless to say, as always, I get caught up in the middle, performing the tasks that require more attention, and leave myself and my passions at the end of the list, blogging being the main passion. Focusing on other duties, paying more attention to chores, and being assertive.

I realized this week that I do this often, neglecting the passions that lead me in the first place there. I get so cramped up with work, house chores, and family that I tend to forget about myself.

I got used to the routine, waking up early in the morning, performing house chores, going to work, cooking, finishing the rest of the chores. If I get time, I exercise and eat, then fall asleep at the beginning of a movie, and the day is over before I know it. 

I blink, and it’s morning, I’ve got to start it all over again, like a robotic system, operating the same steps every day, even though I feel exhausted, even though at times I appear to crumble due to fatigue, because the show must go on.

Reminders

Often, we fail to realize that the show can’t go on without ourselves, without our strength and happiness. We can’t just go through life, merely out of duty, through carrying out job assignments and chores. 

If we continue along this path, we may end up being old, wrinkled, tired, and grumpy, unhappy with everything we have achieved so far. Perhaps because we weren’t completely there, we didn’t fulfill the need of our heart, but what was right according to the social needs and the people. 

My question is, how many times have we embraced today’s society’s truth and „must-do” without questioning ourselves: Do I really want this? Was this the right track? Might this make me happy? 

The answer is, we give up on our rights more than 90 percent of the time because it was the best thing to do and the simplest direction to take then. For our loved ones and for a better future, we made compromises. 

Then, we woke up in time, realizing that maybe we could have chosen a different way, and that we should have not have given up at our passions and pleasant moments. At our spark.

If we want to be happy we need to care about ourselves, about our opinions and what we really want. Truth is, opportunities don’t knock at our door twice, we have to make the best decisions in time, or else, we will end up learning another lesson.

Passion. Confidence. Gratitude. The possibility of making a positive change in the world. It’s the sort of „spark” one gets the moment they decide to go after what they want, really fight for it, work hard, and not give up.

That’s what we need to have and never lose.

Romance is a bonus book

I tried to fill in my time, after finishing my work schedule with a movie. As you know from my past postings, I am a Korean drama fan. I found the movie Romance is a bonus book and decided to give it a try.

I often tend to doze out at movies, especially with the new morning schedule. To my surprise, this movie kept me awake and curious about the next episode. 

I was delighted by the story of Eun-Ho and Dan-I, and I have to admit, watching this movie felt like reading a good book. 

Dan-I’s sad story and her challenges in life were thrilling. It was amazing to watch the history of a former copywriter trying to search for a job nowadays.

Usually, movies depict reality differently, trying to bring only the positives and unexpected outcomes for the movie characters, adding supernatural powers and God knows what sprinkles.

It’s nice when a movie gives you the power to relate, to feel the pain of having to find a good job and being rejected for various reasons. I loved the small details, even Dan-I’s broken shoe had it’s perfect place in the story.

I also liked how Eun-Ho stood by Dan-I, and assisted her on the up’s and down’s of her career; first as a friend, then as a lover. How she stepped up from an assistant, performing menial work to arriving in the Marketing Team.

The idea of starting from scratch, having nothing to begin apart from talent and faith that it will work out until the end, is stunning. In my opinion, this is how life works and you need to work hard to achieve success.

Some of the quotes from Romance is a Bonus Book:

“Two people who have spend a long time together do not need words to express their feelings.”

“We are like books. We wait for someone to find us and open us to see what’s inside.”

“Some relationships are like gifts.”

“I feared my good days are over and I couldn’t run anymore but I can run again.”

“When the world changes drastically, people’s diligence keeps it up. All I have to do is put on ointment when she falls.”

“We are trees that branch out in solitude and bear fruits. We are beautiful trees with growth rings of our lives.”

 “Opening a new book is like opening a room full of my favorite things.”

“Everyone has their own tunnel to pass.” 

“Telling someone how you feel is as hard as translating an ancient document.”

“Sharing a moment  with someone is precious because it can lead to other possibilities.”

 “A book that inspired others may not always inspire you, so find a book that does.”

“Did you get dumped because you’re a workaholic? Or have you become workaholic because you got dumped?” 

“In life, we face many hurdles. We use each others love to jump over them.”

“Keeping a promise is rare like a star in darkness that is meant to shine.”

 “Passion spreads like the warmth of a fire spreads. It becomes comfort, hope, and happiness.”

 ”I opened up an old book of mine again. It was good when I first read the book but when I read it for the second and third time, this book made me underline the sentences over and over again. I find new sentences in this book everyday. It’s a book that stayed with me the longest. ” 

“Let’s fold the corner of this page for now. We’ll leave the page marked and open the book whenever you want to.”

WFH and feelings

Hello, dear readers and writers! It’s been a few days since I haven’t posted again. What can I say besides, I had to comprehend my thoughts and take a break.

I managed to successfully finish my last few days at the former employee and start fresh, with the new opportunity arrived. If last week I was struggling with the night shifts, now I am trying to survive like an ordinary human, within day shifts.

This second job is strictly remote for now, but I already love it, the knowledge, the people, everything. I like to think of it as a brand new path with positive outcomes.

Why is better to work remotely?

To me, working from home is like an open door, considering the Covid-19 outbreak and the present situation. The last thing I would want is remaining without a monthly income. I have to contribute to paying the bills and maintaining a living.

Another thing I like, is that I get to keep in touch with my colleagues at work online, and not directly. No, don’t get me wrong, I am the opposite of anti-social but it is less distraction online, I can focus better on my tasks and be more productive.

Being at home allows me to create my own environment for work. For example, feeling at ease with the space I work in, having the possibility to air the room whenever I want, or even choosing the exact amount of light necessary. I get to be cozy and work in pajamas, use a soft pillow for comfort, and even to hug my cat, Fifi, during breaks, of course 😅.

I get to spend time with my family, which, at the last company was almost impossible to accomplish. If I have something important to perform regarding personal matters, I can take my laptop and work from any place with a good connection to the internet.

I don’t have to wake up early to prepare for work, chose the clothes I wanna wear, or do my makeup. Last week, I had to move for some paperwork, and believe me, the traffic is horrible and the crowds in public transportation are exhausting.

What changed during the transition

I get the feeling that something is changed now, as I am used to working on night shifts, staying away from family, having to run to work, and home. I feel like I am a more cold and work-oriented person than I’ve been before.

At times, I don’t even know how to react in certain situations, considering the fact that I’ve been away for that long. I was used to being lonely during the night shifts, and now all of a sudden, I have people around me.

I’ve got my inner wall built so well around people, that now I wish to be alone with myself more, even if in the past I hated that.

One thing I noticed is that day shifts are more exhausting then night shifts. I tend to want to sleep more or lay in bed. For example, during the night shifts, I had a 6-hour sleep and felt fresh and got a lot done. Now, with the morning shifts, I get to sleep 8 hours, wake up tired and grumpy, I do get work done but not in the same amount.

Resolutions

The last week has been messy and had no order. My next challenge is to get my stuff together and decide on what I want and what people should be around me. Also, I need to switch my sleeping schedule because I am no vampire 😂.

I want to wake up in the morning with an hour later, take a morning walk or run and then take a shower and enjoy my coffee before work. 

You may say, this sounds like a good plan, but let’s see how you are going to pull it through. Well, I am no morning person, but if I am thinking of achieving something, nothing is going to stop me. Anything is better than just pulling through, like a sloth with no orientation or purpose in life.

“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something.” ―Winston S. Churchill

Job challenges

Hello, dear readers and writers! The time frame is now 12:24 AM while I am writing this post. As you might have guessed, I am enjoying the night shifts.

(Image Source – TeePublic)

It’s my last week as an employee at this company, and now I have to switch between two jobs, 16 hours per day. About one thing I am positive, this is a challenge for me, but I am faithful and know that things will change starting with next week.

Overall, it’s more demanding, because I have to deal with two different tasks per day, and it can be overwhelming at times. I make sure to finish my job earlier so that I can get more sleep, but at times 4-5 hours of sleep, it’s a performance.

I wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast, and have coffee with my new colleagues from the second workplace then the training begins. I am lucky because the new job is friendly and easy to understand for the beginning.

I finish the second job at 6 PM, eat my second meal, get 2 hours of sleep, and start again with the night shift at 8 PM. I don’t get too much time for myself because I have to keep working and pay attention to my tasks.

(Image Source – QuickMeme)

Working on two jobs: pros and cons

When you are working two jobs, you are tired for sure. It drains you of any energy left, and the more tired you get, the more irritable you become. It’s essential to learn to control your attitude, as your loved ones are not at fault for this situation.

As a benefit, I think you can count on the fact you will considerably improve your skills and achieve more experience in a short time, and this will help you to build your resume.

The other reason will be, making money, of course. Everybody needs money for daily expenses, bills, credits, etc. Doubling the usual payment helps to cover all the expenses and save some for unexpected incidents.

(Image Source – MemeGenerator)

Motivational words

At the end of the day, enjoy the ride, and get through every task, climbing peaks and valleys. Work with all your heart, and be happy with the results, work as if you would be working for your own business.

If you get the feeling that today was not enough, then rest and make tomorrow worthwhile. Set small goals and achieve them in time. Have faith in yourself and your abilities. Nobody can do a better job than you!

(Image Source – Langley)