Thought of the day 15#

It’s been a rough week for me. I can’t only think of one day in which I haven’t shed a tear, and it’s only Thursday.

My heart is so full and so scattered by unwanted feelings and thoughts and sadly, I have no one to tell that. Everyone is busy with their routine and I get the feeling that I am the only one who is messed up, blocked between lines and scenarios.

On Monday I found out that I lost my husband’s grandparent, a person whom I really cared for with all my heart. Also, Monday was the day I quit my job, and had to find a thing to catch on until I can find another job.

Tuesday, Wednesday were the same. Two days with a painful routine, in which I had to let go the feelings of the past job and fight with the changing character of people near me. Cold, sad and angry temper, that is what I got… for each day going by.

I wanted to talk to people, but they seem all so busy, so caught up and I felt that I am somewhere, lost among the way and can’t find the pieces to finally match this life puzzle. In the end I just gave up, and started to do some home jobs around the house.

Today I buried my dear grandparent and to be honest, I didn’t get the time to even feel sorry about myself. It was so cold outside that my inner soul was shaking and my body was senseless. All I could feel was tears and sorrow, for a beautiful soul that will never come back.

At the end of the day I feel alone and sad. Somehow I feel that a part of the storm passed away, but I still have to manage the other one, and fight with the tomorrow’s unknown.

I just hope that tomorrow will get better.


(Image Source – Unsplash)