Dailies #20

I haven’t written in quite some time. I’m unsure whether this is writer’s block, but it didn’t feel right. I like to write when I feel like it and have positive energy; I’m not a fan of things being pushed in life. A lot happened in the meantime, but each time a new lesson came, I realized that not always what I believed was the most important.

Maybe with the weather change, I tend to get more melancholic and turn to my inner self, which includes not having to write sometimes. It’s a transition period, and I find it challenging to rise and shine bright every new day.

I learned this week that the neighbor I had often complained about talking too loud on his phone had died. The problem with such circumstances is that we rarely consider how we feel about the things and people we find unpleasant while they are still around.

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel because I didn’t consider him close enough, and he caused me discomfort. I was thinking only about myself, which was arrogant and unkind.

Then today I found out that the dog who was giving my parents so much heartache in the countryside had fallen sick. The dog was lovely, but his instincts urged him to eat everything, even birds and cats; the owner fed him rightly. My parents were sick and tired of this situation, and they did talk to the neighbor, who was slow in taking measures.

I felt sad for my parents, but then I remembered the period when we had more than ten cats, and my parents wanted to get rid of them. They offered the cats to people who weren’t prepared to care for pets. This caused the cats a great deal of grief, and most of them returned home exhausted and abused.

It was painful to go over the situation since I am a cat lover, yet God guaranteed they would be punished. My mother hated seeing dead cat corpses around our house, especially since they were the cats they adored. It was a difficult time, but I knew it was all part of God’s plan to make them appreciate and respect what they have.

Now that the dog is unwell, the source of everything awful that has happened does not make me or my family happy. We all hope that he will get better and that God will finish the punishment differently, but in the end, it must be His decision, not ours.

I felt the same way when God punished people who were mean to me. We may not know it at the time when anger and hurt are at their peak, but we love and care about those people, no matter how unbearable the words or things they’ve thrown at us.

I still love people who harmed me throughout the years, and as time passes and I become older, I only remember the good moments. I believe that every person, every animal, and every soul is present in our lives for a reason.

Some lessons are easy and bearable, while others leave us screaming and crying. God knows how many hours I’ve spent crying in the night, praying, feeling alone and depressed. I always found my way out, God made sure of that.

In the end, we should pray for the souls of those who hurt us in the past as well as those who are bothering us in the present. I discovered that God has a special equation that guarantees that every sigh is answered.

No matter how many times I got frustrated and had plans to take revenge to feel better, it was God who showed me that I’m not the one who should be doing that; if anything, I’d be taught a new lesson and grow humble. He knows everything, and everyone who has harmed you or made you feel less than in this world will receive their fair share of punishment.

So, pray for their souls, ask God to have mercy and deliver them, because you aren’t prepared to see the tribulations God will put them through to cleanse their souls and get them to the destination He planned.

Awakening

I was reading through my fellow bloggers’ articles this morning when I came across Ken’s Something I changed my mind about article and started pondering. I enjoy how his articles inspire and provide food for thought; you should check out his site, it’s very intriguing. He discussed life changes and how we are now in a transition phase. I guess I was more surprised by the revelation of my personal journey and how it all unfolded.

The path within

For me, it was a tragic event that changed the course of my entire existence. I don’t want to go into detail about the event because I’ve moved on since then, but I am aware that I’m not the same person I used to be.

Like everyone else, I went through a mourning period until I became indifferent to other opinions and focused on myself. I began working like a crazy person, giving my best in that current position, and started looking within; something I hadn’t done before.

The rewards showed up, but my spirit was not really fulfilled. It was hungry for more, but not worldly things; it was hungry for meaning, purpose, for something I didn’t know about yet.

Then something else happened. I began to see people for who they were, to see their true colors, and to understand why they were in my life in the first place. Those who were friends with me because they wanted to keep tabs on me, those who didn’t know if they wanted me in their lives but still kept in touch. It was an extensive list.

As a result, I started my journey to equity by shutting people off and protecting myself. The disputes were awful. People were disappointed in my actions and were perplexed as to why I opted to leave. I believe that some people are clueless about the cause of my cold, but perhaps they weren’t meant to know. 

I began to pay more attention to my own needs and prioritize myself. Now I know what I need and understand that I am not too much and that I am important. I have a list of self-care activities that I love. I started reading more, focusing on my growth and becoming the person I desired to be, and finding what my soul seeks, not through people, but through myself.

I began looking less to people and more to God. I began praying and asking for help and I was never alone again. I felt like the young people thrown in the fire pit at times, due to God and his immense power. I was sad and threatened, with tears in my eyes, but not moved by the cruelty that others were attempting to inflict on me. I felt protected.

I learned to stop fighting the change that is trying to transpire and to stop limiting my own progress. To do what my intuition tells me to do and to follow my heart, directed by God.

In terms of love, I must say that this journey deepened our bond. There were a lot of issues that needed to be fixed, so we had to talk, throw angry words at each other every now and then, weep, and patch things up again.

I found that when you’re young, you look at the eyes of the person you want to love; if you’re like me, you look at someone with dimples, with the hair color that inspires you, and so on.

As you get older, you look at the person’s heart, how he makes you laugh after a long day, at the efforts he makes to keep you both happy and safe. You’re not seeking exploding passion on the exterior, but for genuine, honest love that emerges open in front of your eyes.

I read somewhere that the people in our lives aren’t supposed to be our friends, but rather our teachers. We’d save so much time and heartache if we just recognized things and situations for what they actually were: lessons. The soul knows the one person we’ll wildly love to the moon and back, who we’ll listen to all the time, enjoy deep conversations with, and grow old with.

A look through the life’s Rearview Mirror

Many things have changed since then, but I believe it was all meant to be. The soul knew what it had to do, and it did it, despite the chaos, the tears, the trembling, and the unknowing, finding its way to where it was supposed to be.

I still feel like I have a long way to go, but I’m getting there. There are still a few things to complete, a couple of things to learn, and a few tears to shed, but this time it all comes together in the most beautiful way possible for it is the completion of this life journey, the one that will give meaning to all past lives and experiences.