Hope in the dark

This week flew by like it was a dream. Another nightmare that sent me on a chaotic roller coaster and then held me back breathless. Even though it is Sunday and a new week of work awaits me in a few hours, I feel tempted to write again.

I believe I’ve become used to always rushing to complete tasks. Hurry to get out of bed in the morning, hurry to do some chores and get to work, hurry to respond to as many customers as possible in a timely, accurate, and courteous manner, hurry to take care of house chores, and then go back to sleep to begin another day.

When I realize this is happening, I try to take it gently and one task at a time, but the workaholic in me comes out and I end up doing more than I planned. Of course, I end the day drained, exhausted, with no appetite, and a mountain of negative thoughts.

I feel as if I’ve lost interest in performing these things because they keep repeating themselves in slow motion, and just when I believe they’re beginning to improve, I’m taught a new lesson. Furthermore, in my haste to always be on time, to be the perfect employee, partner, daughter, and friend, I lose sight of myself along the way.

I believe I’ve just gotten used to looking after myself while helping others. For example, buying the right clothing for someone else and realizing I bought the incorrect size for myself, staying up late cooking, and waking up early to do housework. Or always completing the partner’s tasks and being understanding while he takes care of his work and studies, ensuring that he always has solid advice and steering him in the proper direction.

When I do get to take care of myself, I frequently feel bad about it. Guilty because I took the time to exercise or go out, but didn’t do any housework. Guilty because I wanted to leave an hour sooner, even though I covered that hour and one additional. I’m guilty of spending my salary on things I actually enjoy because I need to feel rewarded, and the list goes on.

You are enough

I just think we end up giving too much, and others around us become accustomed to our methods, so when we withdraw our energy for our own benefit, they are offended and make us feel uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making good acts and giving my all, desiring to be everything for others around me, but being kind to ourselves should be a habit that is constantly recognized.

Toxic situations and individuals are ubiquitous, and at the end of the day, it’s important to set boundaries and communicate who you actually are and what you want from them if they want to stay around. Get your sleep in order, exercise, eat correctly and know when to say yes and when to say no.

It’s time to accept that certain people are only in your life for a season, and while they’ve been lovely and brought fantastic memories if their toxicity levels don’t drop, you shouldn’t kill yourself to be the ideal person that they need in their life. Maybe you aren’t, and that’s alright as long as you recognize it and begin to love yourself for who you are, investing the time and energy you do in others. 

In certain situations, whether they like it or not, we’ve outgrown the people around us. Don’t force yourself to be someone you’re not merely to please others. Be selective and assert your rights; those who stay are valuable, and those who leave weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.

Close your eyes now and ask yourself what you actually want for yourself and your future; is this what you expect from yourself? Are you pursuing your wildest dreams, doing what you love, and taking risks? or are you overburdened with responsibilities and negative behaviors? Remember that life is short and that there is no time for remorse.

Back to blogging: Past swings

It’s funny how I’m always moving on with my life and then retreat to blogging when life seems to challenge me again. After the previous occurring, I kept telling myself that things will work out for the better and that I will find my way eventually.

I am grateful for everything that has happened in the last month. I was given a week off and was able to visit my parents in the countryside to assist them with renovations and other housework. I missed them, and, incredibly, we were able to spend some quality time together after the lockdown.

Work-wise, I was assigned to this new exciting project, and I now have new colleagues and the opportunity to work with great people, apply what I learned at my previous job, and grow.

I’ve also managed to take care of my health by visiting a nutritionist once in a while, exercising whenever I can, and a few days ago, I faced my fears by having surgery to remove my wisdom tooth. This had been a source of concern in my life for several months, and I knew it had to be addressed.

A new path ahead?

Now that all of these issues have been resolved, I have the distinct impression that something from my past is attempting to resurface. It makes no sense to me because nothing has happened in reality yet. It’s just that I keep having these strange dreams in which I have to part ways and take a new path.

I’ve tried to ignore them and focus on the present, but they keep repeating, and my heart prefers to stay there for some strange reason. Aside from that, I’ve been chatting with my friends, and it’s as if incidents from the past keep showing up, and when I reexamine them, I have new resolutions that seem different.

The more I try to disregard them, the more they appear, making me doubt my sanity. I’ve also spoken with a few other people, and they’ve mentioned that this happened to them as well, albeit with minor differences.

According to the horoscope, this is a new turn of fate and it is meant to happen. I’m not sure what new path awaits me and the people I spoke with or what new challenges await us, but all I want is the strength and wisdom to face whatever comes our way.

Resolutions

I’m aware that the new journey is a big step, and it feels regretful to leave everything we’ve built behind and embark on a new, hazy path. It’s essential to be patient and honest to ourselves in the face of any new route that comes your way.

If there is one thing I have learned from this crazy life, it is that we must take risks and move forward, even if this means making mistakes along the way. That is how we grow and become stronger.

We should stop being too serious, curious, and fearful in front of the unknown and instead have fun like a child who keeps swinging into what new challenges lie ahead. And if past encounters keep coming back to haunt us, perhaps it’s just time to face our stupid fears and enjoy life and what God has in store for us.

Golden

It’s an extremely busy time at work during the holiday season, as everyone wants to buy gifts for their loved ones, but unfortunately, there are accidents during this process. This is where we, the customer service team come in.

I spent my previous days working and reading, and I was caught up in so many assignments and activities that I didn’t even realize how overwhelming and exhausting it was for me.

Getting annoyed with little things, shouting at everything else around me that could make me distracted, and wanting to do more than I could. I wanted to go this extra mile to prove myself, to show what I’m capable of, and to improve, to be stronger.

One little thing I forgot about in this whole process was myself. I forgot to smile, to be happy with myself and my work, and wanted more; more numbers, more quality at work, it’s never been enough.

To some extent, I’ve grown bored of constantly doing the same thing and getting irritated, and I just decided to listen to some music when I was working, to de-tension myself.

Music inspiration

Scrolling through YouTube’s varied music collection, I discovered Harry Style’s ‘Golden’ song. In the beginning, I was all right, that sounds interesting. But then, as I was working, I heard myself singing his lines. It wasn’t me at all and believe it or not, I got more positive and happy to help out customers.

Eventually, I took a break and wanted to watch his music video while I was at it and I loved it very much, it was like a breath of fresh air.

I got out of the stuffed apartment mentally, this place where I spent so many days during this pandemic, and now having to work from home. I have forgotten about my unhappy customers, about the numbers that are never enough, about quality and productivity.

I found myself running virtually on unfamiliar streets with this crazy guy, breathing fresh air, enjoying the sunset, and escaping the harsh routine. I got lost in his smile, and I just couldn’t realize why he’s so cheerful and carefree when I’m trapped in the flat, faking a happy fulfilled life.

It really makes me think about my past and my actions, and how I could have changed my life for the better if I had taken different decisions. Why am I not spending my golden years in a different place, and why am I continuing to hide from this wide world in a tiny town…

Eventually, I went back to work and reality, except this time with new ideas and more energized and feeling like I’ve experienced something new. Harry’s Style of looking at life.

At the end of the day, we’ve got to dare to be courageous, different. Even if it could mean being alone or hurt or ignored for a brief amount of time. People are always going to have something to tell about things and about us.

It’s about how we have decided to respond to these things and what makes us happy. 

The spark within

Hello, dear writers and readers! How have you been?

Needless to say, as always, I get caught up in the middle, performing the tasks that require more attention, and leave myself and my passions at the end of the list, blogging being the main passion. Focusing on other duties, paying more attention to chores, and being assertive.

I realized this week that I do this often, neglecting the passions that lead me in the first place there. I get so cramped up with work, house chores, and family that I tend to forget about myself.

I got used to the routine, waking up early in the morning, performing house chores, going to work, cooking, finishing the rest of the chores. If I get time, I exercise and eat, then fall asleep at the beginning of a movie, and the day is over before I know it. 

I blink, and it’s morning, I’ve got to start it all over again, like a robotic system, operating the same steps every day, even though I feel exhausted, even though at times I appear to crumble due to fatigue, because the show must go on.

Reminders

Often, we fail to realize that the show can’t go on without ourselves, without our strength and happiness. We can’t just go through life, merely out of duty, through carrying out job assignments and chores. 

If we continue along this path, we may end up being old, wrinkled, tired, and grumpy, unhappy with everything we have achieved so far. Perhaps because we weren’t completely there, we didn’t fulfill the need of our heart, but what was right according to the social needs and the people. 

My question is, how many times have we embraced today’s society’s truth and „must-do” without questioning ourselves: Do I really want this? Was this the right track? Might this make me happy? 

The answer is, we give up on our rights more than 90 percent of the time because it was the best thing to do and the simplest direction to take then. For our loved ones and for a better future, we made compromises. 

Then, we woke up in time, realizing that maybe we could have chosen a different way, and that we should have not have given up at our passions and pleasant moments. At our spark.

If we want to be happy we need to care about ourselves, about our opinions and what we really want. Truth is, opportunities don’t knock at our door twice, we have to make the best decisions in time, or else, we will end up learning another lesson.

Passion. Confidence. Gratitude. The possibility of making a positive change in the world. It’s the sort of „spark” one gets the moment they decide to go after what they want, really fight for it, work hard, and not give up.

That’s what we need to have and never lose.

WFH and feelings

Hello, dear readers and writers! It’s been a few days since I haven’t posted again. What can I say besides, I had to comprehend my thoughts and take a break.

I managed to successfully finish my last few days at the former employee and start fresh, with the new opportunity arrived. If last week I was struggling with the night shifts, now I am trying to survive like an ordinary human, within day shifts.

This second job is strictly remote for now, but I already love it, the knowledge, the people, everything. I like to think of it as a brand new path with positive outcomes.

Why is better to work remotely?

To me, working from home is like an open door, considering the Covid-19 outbreak and the present situation. The last thing I would want is remaining without a monthly income. I have to contribute to paying the bills and maintaining a living.

Another thing I like, is that I get to keep in touch with my colleagues at work online, and not directly. No, don’t get me wrong, I am the opposite of anti-social but it is less distraction online, I can focus better on my tasks and be more productive.

Being at home allows me to create my own environment for work. For example, feeling at ease with the space I work in, having the possibility to air the room whenever I want, or even choosing the exact amount of light necessary. I get to be cozy and work in pajamas, use a soft pillow for comfort, and even to hug my cat, Fifi, during breaks, of course 😅.

I get to spend time with my family, which, at the last company was almost impossible to accomplish. If I have something important to perform regarding personal matters, I can take my laptop and work from any place with a good connection to the internet.

I don’t have to wake up early to prepare for work, chose the clothes I wanna wear, or do my makeup. Last week, I had to move for some paperwork, and believe me, the traffic is horrible and the crowds in public transportation are exhausting.

What changed during the transition

I get the feeling that something is changed now, as I am used to working on night shifts, staying away from family, having to run to work, and home. I feel like I am a more cold and work-oriented person than I’ve been before.

At times, I don’t even know how to react in certain situations, considering the fact that I’ve been away for that long. I was used to being lonely during the night shifts, and now all of a sudden, I have people around me.

I’ve got my inner wall built so well around people, that now I wish to be alone with myself more, even if in the past I hated that.

One thing I noticed is that day shifts are more exhausting then night shifts. I tend to want to sleep more or lay in bed. For example, during the night shifts, I had a 6-hour sleep and felt fresh and got a lot done. Now, with the morning shifts, I get to sleep 8 hours, wake up tired and grumpy, I do get work done but not in the same amount.

Resolutions

The last week has been messy and had no order. My next challenge is to get my stuff together and decide on what I want and what people should be around me. Also, I need to switch my sleeping schedule because I am no vampire 😂.

I want to wake up in the morning with an hour later, take a morning walk or run and then take a shower and enjoy my coffee before work. 

You may say, this sounds like a good plan, but let’s see how you are going to pull it through. Well, I am no morning person, but if I am thinking of achieving something, nothing is going to stop me. Anything is better than just pulling through, like a sloth with no orientation or purpose in life.

“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something.” ―Winston S. Churchill

The next station

There are some moments in life when you feel at stake. For example, when you took a decision that will affect your future, your tomorrow, and your every day. There are acceptable parts of the new choice, but you know that at some point you will have to give up what you once chosen and were excited.

You have evolved now. The old you has made a place for the new you, a more stronger and confident person that is independent and takes decisions for yourself. You believe in your powers and are sure that tomorrow is going to be a successful day and that you are going to give all your best to make it perfect.

But there is also the old you, somewhere hidden through the old cabinets of your self-awareness. That kind and sincere person, honest that made decisions for the best, did not take anyone for granted and accepted that present as it was, rough but real.

During this change, you knew pain and shed tears, learned to work alone, to avoid unpleasant talks behind your back, to adapt to new and to fight, no matter the challenges.

You made promises that you were positively at that time that will come true, gave all that you had, and focused sincerely on the work and results. Everything was working fine, even if it wasn’t perfect.

You had the statistics speak for you, people liked you, and you were happy. Even if the payment was not substantial, you knew that work was all that mattered and that you made a difference.

Unfortunately, life happened in the meantime, and changes were made, unexpected ones. You had to move on, find a new opportunity because the dreams that you were trying to build were not based on a strong foundation, and the block was about to collapse.

You took the heavy work on you, and decided that it’s time to move on. Expected new chances and when the offer came, you just took it, without thinking about the time left on the project or the people. You considered that time flies by, and you can’t miss a one time occasion.

Now, when the time to say goodbye is near, you are just afraid and hesitant. What if the new chance was not as good as you hoped? What if deciding to move on was not the best idea, and you could have stayed and fight until your last days?

People are mad at you, your leave was unexpected, and it is understandable. The initial promises were torn apart, your willingness to fight through any storm with the team vanished under a thin cloud of helplessness. But there is nothing that you can do now, moves were made.

You will soon be stepping on a new ground, paved with brand new hopes and dreams, and who knows, maybe a better future. Decisions were made by being aware of the present, and even if the set apart is painful, you had to.

It’s time to pack up your things, brace yourself and move on the next train. You will remain with the good times, the happy memories, the laughs, and the best moments spent together.

The time spent with these people and the company were the best bridge and support for you. You found comfort, kind words and a warm hug where you would not expect.

Be appreciative for what you had and say thank you for everything. For those moments when you spoke the whole day and could not eat or rest because of the stress. For those night shifts when you felt like fading away, for those morning shifts when the sky was black but you still went on.

Be humble and embrace the past experiences as they are a part of you, good or bad. They prepared you for the next journey and life setbacks. You are stronger now.

Keep the best moments in your heart, and move ahead. Wipe off those tears and get your bags, the next station is ahead of you.

(Image Source – Wallpaper Cave)

Life hardships

At times, we get the feeling of being alone. We get so caught up in the day by day routine and try to make a difference that we forget about ourselves, or the loved ones, that is.

It seems simple to change the shifts at work, to do our best to be in 10 places at the same time, being a superhuman trying to achieve greatness, and see people satisfied around us.

But one thing that we fail to realize is that no matter how hard we try, at some point, something is going to go wrong. It is impossible to be perfect at work and keep a happy family, performing house chores, cooking, and also be focused on our self-development.

It is too much for our being, and to be honest, sleeping just 5 to 6 hours per day, working on night shifts, and having multiple tasks can be a burden. It may seem manageable at the beginning, but trust me, it is not that simple.

Do your best and focus on the present

We need to realize that there are dark and alone times when we have to move forward to pursue our journey, even if it’s sad and lonely for the moment. The beauty in the light at the end of the tunnel is worth every sacrifice we thought we have made.

Occasionally we may feel that we are lost and alone. But God knows where we are and has a good plan for our future. It’s important to acknowledge that some steps need to be taken alone. It’s the only way to figure out where we need to go and who we need to be.

The answer is deep inside us, and the loneliness is just passing by. Our loved ones will understand our situation, and will support us. The rest are present for a moment of our life, not meant to stay.

(Image Source – Unsplash,
Caleb Frith)

Anxiety and fear

Hello, my dear writers and readers! It’s been a full week going on, and I haven’t posted so much because of my worries and stressful tasks. At times, I just wanted to get my things done so that I can relax or better said, sleep. It was a good plan altogether but it did not work as I have planned.

As you know from my previous posts, I have been excited about returning to the dentist and had my hopes up. That lasted just until I have arrived at the cabinet, of course. On that day it rained a lot, hence I had to walk because I missed the bus, took a tooth radiography, and went to the dentist.

Unfortunately, this lady had an examination team over to their cabinet, due to the Covid-19 Situation, and I had to wait for two hours in the rain and cold. In the morning when I left it was like 30 degrees Celsius, and then it turned out to 15.

When I arrived to see her, I don’t know if I was shaking because I was afraid of the procedure or because of the cold weather. She felt pity for me, and we eventually, had to reschedule the tooth surgery because I have also had an infection. Great!

Now a new treatment is required, and I haven’t even managed to finish the one for chronic gastritis and H. Pylori. This stress and anxiety made it worse for the stomach affection, and now it hurts again.

I’ve been alone mostly this week, and I just felt so stressed about work, knowing that the project will end in a few months, and I have had so many negative thoughts in my mind, that I almost can’t describe. I’ve even considering applying for other jobs to be assured in the future.

Plus, I have to work two weekends, and we should return to the office, things that I can’t do yet because of my tooth infection and the medical procedures. This, and because the office has the air conditioner too strong.

This week I felt the need to cry, to scream, to disappear. I feel so overwhelmed with everything, and I am very anxious. But this needs to end, and I have to get back on the right track. Even if it’s hard and painful, I have to be faithful and trust God, knowing that this too, shall pass.

(Image Source – Unsplash, Katherine Gu)

Service Desk Inquiry

Today’s post is going to be about Service Desk. Most of you, may not understand this activity, but if you ever, contacted support for a certain product or company, we were the ones behind the phones that assisted you.

I hope most of the moments with the support are positive, and not will trigger bad memories at seeing this post.

The source of the images used in this post is Google Images.

Service Desk insights

The thing that most people don’t understand is the procedures. Yes, every company has a few procedures to follow, especially if you work within a corporation. Yes, we do need to have your full name and phone number, just in case the call gets disconnected.

You, as a customer need to realize that you are not the only person that we have in our database, and there are millions of people out there that are being supported by our company. This is why we need to identify you.

Tip: Starting to tell us the problems in a quick and fast motion from the beginning will not help, because until we verify your identity, the problem might advance and we will not be able to remember all the details.

Yes, patience is required. Even if we work with computers, it takes time to find a person on a list. We may not get your name right all the time, especially if your name is: Tiramunda Gonzales Picasso Alibaba Rajesh. But we will try our best to get it right, despite the language and cultural differences.

We need to know all the details of the problem. So questions like: when did the issue started, what were you performing at that time and more other information in regards to the product and the services are mandatory. Skipping them will not allow us to understand the problem and to apply the procedures for your case.

Yes, it takes time. Most of the procedures are long in IT and they cannot be resolved as soon as you finish clapping your hands. Outlook connectivity issues, VPN, and software re-installing takes time and your connection to the internet matters as well, as we are trying to connect from miles away.

Hello, hello? Are you still there? Of course, we are not going anywhere. Most of the customers get scared when they don’t hear us for a moment. We are humans as well, and do need to take a sip of water, blow our nose, or cough.

The most annoying time to ask the questions: Hello, hello? Are you still there? is when we try to explain to you a situation. Yes, we can hear you, yes the connection is good, please listen to what we have to say. It is important and it affects your product/services.

Saying: Yes, yes but you are not paying attention to what we are saying and keep doing things in your way. Not only this is affecting the communication between us, but the troubleshooting will not work and the issue will still remain unsolved.

Please avoid breaking dishes, walking on the motorcycle, using the drill, speaking with your colleagues and not paying attention to our questions, beating the kids or yelling at your wife while we are on the call. 

HIGH PRIORITY!!! We are already treating your problem with high priority, dear customer. We are assisting you and if the issue cannot be resolved from our end, a more advanced team will reach you as soon as possible.

Most of the problems that we escalate are complex and require a more advanced troubleshooting and a certain time frame for it to be resolved, especially if we are speaking about account problems.

No, we don’t know the exact time frame of when the team will reach you. Our teams work on specific time frames, from their location. Also, the time depends on their workload. Yelling High Priority will not escalate your problem faster, so please, wait as the other customers do.

We have colleagues from all over the world, with different nationalities language dialects. If the support does not speak English in your mother country accent, please don’t swear on the customer or make remarks like: The heck you are speaking English! And don’t yell like an idiot on the line. We can hear you!

If you understand the request and want to have your problem resolved quickly, don’t waste your time making the support’s life more miserable than it is. Most of us work on low paid salaries, and speak with 30 to 100 persons a day.

The last plead, to all the Karens out there, while we work from home, there is no Manager to escalate the problem. Maybe our mothers but they don’t speak English, so you have no chance.

Friday check-up

Hello, dear readers! It’s been again, a few days since I haven’t posted anything. This week I had morning shifts, rough ones. To give you a sneak peek, this is how my week went through.

I started my days with waking up at 7 AM with a huge cup of coffee, worked until 5 PM and then took care of the house, cleaning, washing, dusting and cooking.

With this quarantine I become more self aware and started realizing that our apartment needs more cleaning. Maybe I am going a little bit over the board, I hope I am not becoming an obsessive cleaner. Only time will tell.

By 7 PM I was already too tired, but I thought it was necessary to exercise a bit, because I spent more than 8 hours in front of the screen. A bit turned into a lot truly and I exercised for almost 2 hours per day, starting with Sunday.

The days went by with the same routine, and here I was, finished on Thursday at 5 PM, without any powers, not having even the will to exercise, only to lay in bed and do nothing.

Today, on Friday, I was free from work so I went shopping for „Basic” needs. I am highlighting the word basic, because I skipped the elementary needs a lot, buying a large amount of things that I did not needed. But hey, it was my first going out to an actual shop after a month of staying in the house.

Shopping was relaxing and took my mind out of the things for a while, as I plugged my earphones and listened to music while picking stuff that I liked for us and the apartment. I was a little bit sad at the end because I know I worked a full month to get those money and lost half of them in a bit.

At the end of the day, going out today was relaxing and I got to see the sun rays, to enjoy the wind blowing through my hair and buying things that I like. I also managed to cook a lasagna and got to clean again.

How was your week so far?

(Image Source – Unsplash, Jude Beck)