Raspunsuri, in lumea mea/ Answers, in my world

Sunt 7 zile de cand nu am mai scris nimic. 7 zile in care timpul a fost crud, el m-a uitat printre oameni angosi si sute de hartii scrise inutil. In ultimele zile m-am tot intrebat care este scopul meu in aceasta lume, pe ce carari voi merge, si pana la urma care este rolul acestei calatorii.

Din pacate, am mai esuat odata in gasirea unui scop, a unui job. Acest lucru se intampla a doua oara de la absolvire, insa de data aceasta cu mai putina durere in suflet. Tind sa cred ca jobul perfect se afla la sute de km departare, si eu sunt tot mai departe de gasirea acestuia.

In cadrul acestui job am intalnit din nou personalitati diferite, caractere conturate de emotii pozitive dar si negative. Am descoperit noi modalitati de a privi viata si de a trata persoane in viata de zi cu zi.

Am observat cat este de dificil sa lucrezi direct cu oamenii, sa implementezi un sistem controlat 100% cu proceduri si scheme ce nu vor fi niciodata respectate integral de angajatii in subordine.

Sa iti doresti din tot sufletul sa faci o diferenta, sa incerci imposibilul uneori, si cel mai dureros in opinia mea, sa nu fii perceput corect de catre superiori. Sa fii privit de jos, cu indignare si repulsie, sa fii considerat un neadaptat la cerintele si asteptarile conducerii.

Am auzit multe opinii cu privire la activitatea mea. Mi s-a spus ca sunt isteata si am inteles in cateva zile ce altii au invatat in saptamani; am crezut in progres si am continuat, insa ultimul feedback m-a lasat rece si indiferenta.

Pe de o parte mi s-a spus ca trebuie sa aplic o severitate fara margini si un caracter de gheata, iar pe de alta ca ar trebui sa fiu mai prietenoasa si deschisa. Ca nu inteleg procedurile si ca nu sunt capabila de progres. Unii s-au legat de maturitatea mea si au considerat-o absenta, in timp ce altii mi-au spus ca eu traiesc in lumea mea.

Dar cum pot eu schimba ce alti 10 inaintea mea nu au reusit?! … . Intr-un mediu stresant si rece din care un angajat vine astazi si altul pleaca maine, nu exista oameni multumiti, asadar nu exista progres.

Am ales sa opresc aici aceasta experienta deoarece m-am simtit bulversata si nu mi-am gasit linistea. Simteam ca nu am raspunsuri vitale si ca ma invarteam intr-un cerc vicios, plin de nesiguranta si incertitudine.

La finalul zilei, important este insemnatatea a ceea ce desfasori 8/12 h pe zi, sentimentul de gratitudine pe care ti-l confera. Feedbackul pozitiv alaturi de zambete de incurajare aduc si ele ganduri pozitive ce duc la avansare.

Daca in lumea lor sunt inconjurata de tipete, cuvinte amare spuse la suparare si frustrari atunci prefer sa plec in lumea mea, unde locul de munca inseamna multumirea fata de activitatea pe care o desfasor, de oamenii cu care lucrez si de mediu, oriunde ar fi ea.

                                                                     English version

It’s been 7 days since I did not write anything. 7 days when the time was cruel, locked among angry people and hundreds of unnecessary paper. In the last few days I have been wondering what my purpose in this world is, what paths I will go, and after all, what is the role of this journey.

Unfortunately, I failed once again to find a job. This is the second time since graduation, but this time with less pain in the soul. I tend to think the perfect job is hundreds of miles away, and I’m farther from finding it.

In this job I again met different personalities, characters outlined by positive and negative emotions. We have discovered new ways to look at life and treat people in everyday life.

I have noticed how difficult it is to work directly with people, to implement a 100% controlled system with procedures and schemes that will never be fully met by subordinate employees.

I wanted to make a difference, to try the impossible at times, and most painfully in my opinion, not to be correctly perceived by the superiors. To be seen from below, with indignation and repulsion, to be considered as inadequate to the requirements and expectations of leadership.

I have heard many opinions about my work. I was told I was smart and understood in a few days what others had learned in weeks; I believed in progress and continued, but the last feedback left me cold and indifferent.

On the one hand, I was told I had to apply a borderlessness and an ice character, and on the other hand I should be more friendly and open. That I do not understand the procedures and I’m not capable of progress. Some have linked to my maturity and considered it absent, while others have told me that I live in my world.

But how can I change what the other 10 before me did not succeed ?! …. In a stressful and cold environment where one employee comes today and another leaves tomorrow, there are no satisfied people, there is no progress.

I chose to stop this experience here because I felt upset and I did not find peace. I felt that I had no vital answers and that I was turning in a vicious circle, full of uncertainty and doubt.

At the end of the day, it is importance of what you do 8/12 hours a day, the feeling of gratitude it gives you. Positive feedback with encouraging smiles also brings positive thoughts that lead to advancement.

If in their world I’m surrounded by screaming, bitter words said to sadness and frustration then I prefer to go into my world, where I am content about the place that I work in, the people I work with and the environment, wherever that place is.

(Image Source – Unsplash)