Hope in the dark

This week flew by like it was a dream. Another nightmare that sent me on a chaotic roller coaster and then held me back breathless. Even though it is Sunday and a new week of work awaits me in a few hours, I feel tempted to write again.

I believe I’ve become used to always rushing to complete tasks. Hurry to get out of bed in the morning, hurry to do some chores and get to work, hurry to respond to as many customers as possible in a timely, accurate, and courteous manner, hurry to take care of house chores, and then go back to sleep to begin another day.

When I realize this is happening, I try to take it gently and one task at a time, but the workaholic in me comes out and I end up doing more than I planned. Of course, I end the day drained, exhausted, with no appetite, and a mountain of negative thoughts.

I feel as if I’ve lost interest in performing these things because they keep repeating themselves in slow motion, and just when I believe they’re beginning to improve, I’m taught a new lesson. Furthermore, in my haste to always be on time, to be the perfect employee, partner, daughter, and friend, I lose sight of myself along the way.

I believe I’ve just gotten used to looking after myself while helping others. For example, buying the right clothing for someone else and realizing I bought the incorrect size for myself, staying up late cooking, and waking up early to do housework. Or always completing the partner’s tasks and being understanding while he takes care of his work and studies, ensuring that he always has solid advice and steering him in the proper direction.

When I do get to take care of myself, I frequently feel bad about it. Guilty because I took the time to exercise or go out, but didn’t do any housework. Guilty because I wanted to leave an hour sooner, even though I covered that hour and one additional. I’m guilty of spending my salary on things I actually enjoy because I need to feel rewarded, and the list goes on.

You are enough

I just think we end up giving too much, and others around us become accustomed to our methods, so when we withdraw our energy for our own benefit, they are offended and make us feel uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making good acts and giving my all, desiring to be everything for others around me, but being kind to ourselves should be a habit that is constantly recognized.

Toxic situations and individuals are ubiquitous, and at the end of the day, it’s important to set boundaries and communicate who you actually are and what you want from them if they want to stay around. Get your sleep in order, exercise, eat correctly and know when to say yes and when to say no.

It’s time to accept that certain people are only in your life for a season, and while they’ve been lovely and brought fantastic memories if their toxicity levels don’t drop, you shouldn’t kill yourself to be the ideal person that they need in their life. Maybe you aren’t, and that’s alright as long as you recognize it and begin to love yourself for who you are, investing the time and energy you do in others. 

In certain situations, whether they like it or not, we’ve outgrown the people around us. Don’t force yourself to be someone you’re not merely to please others. Be selective and assert your rights; those who stay are valuable, and those who leave weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.

Close your eyes now and ask yourself what you actually want for yourself and your future; is this what you expect from yourself? Are you pursuing your wildest dreams, doing what you love, and taking risks? or are you overburdened with responsibilities and negative behaviors? Remember that life is short and that there is no time for remorse.

Publicitate

Questions, questions

I have been told once by a person that I used to like that I don’t know what I want, and that I tend to hover a lot about powerful decisions. I guess that his acknowledgment got me off guard at that time, and accepted it as a truth.

I am only 24 at this moment, but things started making sense, and I got to have my own opinions about what I think, about the world and myself. I am not perfect, I got my big life full of messy things, and I continue making mistakes and learning from them.

I never actually knew what I wanted from life, truthfully speaking. I only learned as I went, stepping on shards of glass and at times, found my comfort zone on a fluffy carpet.

Life has thrown me out into circumstances that I did not realize I could go through, I laughed at the danger, trusted unworthy people, smiled when life got critical and said thank you to enemies.

One normal person could say that I am crazy and maybe, way too naive for this mean world, but hey, that’s just me. I don’t know for how long I can keep the spark of goodness within me, but I know that I still want to be kind, when everybody else is yelling and swearing around me.

If I don’t always have answers to life’s biggest questions, it’s okay. Nobody really knows anything, we discover as we go. Clues and hints are present at all steps if we have faith and believe in ourselves.

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At the end of the day, you need to take some for yourself while sipping that hot cup of tea, and understand that you only need to live for now, without worrying about what you want, but what makes you happy. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

(Image Source – Unsplash, Kira auf der Heide)

Life trails

Since our childhood, we are educated and advised to avoid certain items in our lives, simply because it is bad. Curious beings as we are, we always tend to hesitate and choose the forbidden way, even if it’s immoral.

We start with desserts, we are advised not to eat much and therefore we should stay away from carbs because it’s the best way, we should listen. But if we don’t, what happens?

We are all familiar with the reaction, and are punished and argued all the way through to the end because we have chosen the wrong approach. And we still do it, because we are curious and attracted to the new things that we haven’t experienced yet.

Hence, we risk indigestion, if we consume a lot of desserts. It’s known and felt by our organs. We don’t need anyone else to tell us that is bad because now we know why is good to stay away from it and eat less.

Life trails

This life is so full of fantastic things to discover and choose from, that impossible to stay away from everything. As we grow up, we get an attitude and learn to stand up for our decisions, even if they are not the greatest ones, because we think we know better.

Our parents may get tired in time and don’t have enough energy and strength to take every step with us, on this long journey of life. At some point, we arrive at a crossroads and we have to decide our next trace.

Ironically, we think that our minds are mature, that we learned everything that was to be known, and go blindfolded on the road that has the most pits and challenges. We think that this is our life and we must bear our cross, tending to forget that Jesus already did that for us.

This is how we move through life, by not knowing and confronting challenges all the time, thinking that we know everything that is to be known and then we fall again and have to start from the beginning; Stepping on burned charcoal with excitement only to suffer the burns caused after.

Life lessons

If we have mistaken our path and chosen the incorrect trail, don’t worry. Mistakes have the power to turn us into something better than we were before.

If this time we haven’t made it right, then don’t worry, we have only a thousand chances to make it as we dream, next time. Don’t be startled by the mountain ahead, the struggles that we are facing, and the chances that we are taking. The battle has just begun and we are only moving forward with faith and perseverance.

It’s important to acknowledge that God doesn’t bring us lessons to close our hearts. He brings us lessons to open them, by developing compassion, learning to listen, seeking to understand instead of speculating, practicing empathy and developing conflict resolution through communication.

If he brought us perfect people, how would we ever learn to spiritually evolve?

Life hardships

At times, we get the feeling of being alone. We get so caught up in the day by day routine and try to make a difference that we forget about ourselves, or the loved ones, that is.

It seems simple to change the shifts at work, to do our best to be in 10 places at the same time, being a superhuman trying to achieve greatness, and see people satisfied around us.

But one thing that we fail to realize is that no matter how hard we try, at some point, something is going to go wrong. It is impossible to be perfect at work and keep a happy family, performing house chores, cooking, and also be focused on our self-development.

It is too much for our being, and to be honest, sleeping just 5 to 6 hours per day, working on night shifts, and having multiple tasks can be a burden. It may seem manageable at the beginning, but trust me, it is not that simple.

Do your best and focus on the present

We need to realize that there are dark and alone times when we have to move forward to pursue our journey, even if it’s sad and lonely for the moment. The beauty in the light at the end of the tunnel is worth every sacrifice we thought we have made.

Occasionally we may feel that we are lost and alone. But God knows where we are and has a good plan for our future. It’s important to acknowledge that some steps need to be taken alone. It’s the only way to figure out where we need to go and who we need to be.

The answer is deep inside us, and the loneliness is just passing by. Our loved ones will understand our situation, and will support us. The rest are present for a moment of our life, not meant to stay.

(Image Source – Unsplash,
Caleb Frith)

Quote of the day #22

“Intensive work engagement is an effective medicine that we should use in case of many problems that occur in life.

For example, when you are being treated unfairly at work or going through promotion discrimination, do not despair or complain that life isn’t fair, but rather respond by intensive work, start a new challenging project, enroll in a master’s degree program or in a doctoral program.

Such activities will occupy you completely, so that you will quickly overcome the problem and repair your injured self esteem.”
― Eraldo Banovac

At peace with myself

Hello, my dear readers! Today is Friday. I don’t know how but after the quarantine lockdown the days appear to move on slower. I notice the day that goes through and I am eager for tomorrow.

As you know from my latest posts, these two weeks have been rough for me and I underwent certain changes. I managed to come more at peace with myself and accept the changes that life brought upon me.

If at the beginning I was confused and did not understand why we’re all of these changes necessary and why was the break down requested, now I come to realize that everything happened for a reason.

Things change, friends leave and life doesn’t stop from anybody, just because we want it. And it’s totally normal to be affected, nothing is more painful to the human mind than a sudden change.

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.

Lao Tzu used to say that life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. It’s important to not resist them as we are inviting sorrow in. Let’s accept reality as it is and let’s let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

We are not trapped or locked up in these bones. No, no. We are free to change. And love changes us. And if we can love one another, we can break open the sky.

Motivational speech of the day #1

Enjoy!

Saturday funeral

If you attend funerals long enough, one after another you get to understand that they all have the same structures and details, more or less depending on the tradition and customs.

People from all the places coming and leaving to visit for the last time a person that once used to be someone great, someone, of value. They all cry and appear affected in the front of the harsh reality that stole another person from this earth.

But the person does not react in any way, as the soul is long gone, leaving the cold, rough body behind without any expression. You get to see the empty body, the clothes, the house and every single thing that he left behind.

Only the sky is turbid, as the soul is feeling sorry for leaving the place where he was born, where he was raised, where he learned to love and at the end, where he died. The wind is angry and the degrees decrease in the thermometer.

The road to the church is long enough to make you feel the cold weather as the cold embraces you all over. The quick stops, the priest’s prayers and his last bridges on this world are all a part of the last ritual.

At the end after long-awaited prayers, tears and the last goodbye, we arrive at the last place, delivering the person to the place we will all go, in a wooden coffin becoming one-off with the earth.

The irony is that no matter how much that person struggled in life he did not take anything material with him. All he had was the clothes on him and a wooden cross that will become in time nothing.

The sadness, sorrow, and tears are for the moment, and they don’t last forever. As people are meant to move on and take care of their souls, paying attention to the cross that they have to bear, being focused on their sins and their short future.

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For life is just a journey and we are only passengers. We remain with the good deeds done over this life, with the smiles we offered, with the kind words spoken. Make sure you will fill your bucket with the right „things” because, at the end of the journey, the material things disappear.

(Image Source – Pixabay)

Don’t I get to have a saying in this?

I don’t know about you guys, but for me it has been a long week, starting from Sunday.

 You know that moment when you leave from home but you have no idea when you are returning? When your so glad that you arrived at home but still have chores to do and end up getting in the bed late? When the phone rings in the morning the same awful tune, all over again? Well for me whole week it has been like this.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love my work, even if sometimes is getting too hard to manage the load of tasks. I try my best to do the best I can in a few hours so that I could be happy of my results and so the company.

I also love my lovely family, for which I try to do the best to keep it happy and together, despite the odd circumstances, for better and for worse.

I try to put heart in everything that I do, even if sometimes I should not get involved so much in simple tasks, even if people advise me not to do that. I believe this is the way I am built and a little bit of passion and heart in every single task is not too much.

But sometimes I believe it is time to put a stop to it and refresh the session. Like, get a little time for myself and recover the energy tank, until it will not get empty. And you know also when you make plans and life gets ahead of you?

Yeah, in the past few months I felt like life made a lot of decisions without asking me. I feel like my happy emotions and feelings got away on a big vacation and I am left with the sad ones. Just like in the animation movie Inside Out.

Today a loved person from my family passed away, went in heaven to be with the angels. The funny thing is that I have planned to rest during the weekend and I have never thought even for a second that something bad could actually happen.

I did not get the chance to feel sorry, to cry or to mourn the loss. I was at office, working again and again, speaking too much for a day, forgetting about me and reality. Lately I get the feeling that life is happening and I don’t get to say a word about it. Just accept it and move on. My only question is until when.

(Image Source – Unsplash)

Song of the Day #21

Remember when I told you
„No matter where I go
I’ll never leave your side
You will never be alone”
Even when we go through changes
Even when we’re old
Remember that I told you
I’ll find my way back home

❤