Today is again, Monday. I say again because I do not know when this time passes, I feel that I can never fully enjoy the moments, to live the days that run out of the calendar.
I would sleep more, I would lie in bed, considering that in a few hours I have to prepare again for an endless week of work with a program loaded with core hours. But I cannot find my condition, I feel that I should do something and I stay instead.
Such a state of helplessness and lack of desire combined with an uneasiness of a tomb I have not had in a long time, or even ever. I think that those around me have the same feelings because I see them, I hear them shudder and they do not find their place, like insects lost somewhere in an early spring.
I would like to get out of bed, be active and make a difference today. But I do this every day, and when I have less desire to achieve something, then it all makes sense. Ironically, I would say.
Lazy cat, Fifi spreads softly on the soft and fine blanket and then rests again in a long sleep. His head is placed on his toes and his nose is stopped in the bushy tail. And I find myself looking at him as if I didn’t want to get out of bed like a lazy and comfortable cat in my turn.
It is months again and I seem to have lost all trace of desire and energy, feeling only the anxiety that embraces me like a snake, too tight. It’s hot weather though, but I wouldn’t want to enjoy it too early.
Lately, the sun and the hot weather have been like a chimera, appearing and disappearing at is will, without notifying when it arrives or when it leaves. I wish I could enjoy the sun’s rays and let myself be soothed by the warm expression of the wind, but it’s in a constant change.
I cover the sunbeam that emerges from the window with the heavy black curtain and I sit again in bed, moaning and enjoying the few minutes of sweet sleep remaining. It is only a matter of time until the alarm sounds again and I have to deal with Monday with the help of a bitter coffee.
But I still have 30 minutes… .
(Image Source – Unsplash, DAVIDCOHEN)