There are days and days. Some days are better, some are worse. In the end it all depends on how we think about it, on how we feel it. I don’t know about you guys, but there has been some days in which I found myself thinking: What am I doing here? Was I meant to be in this place, to live this life?
I can’t say I hate my life cause I am not. I am just lost in the clouds sometimes trying to figure out things, things that may work out for me and things that may not. Lately, it has been a blurry period for me. As you may know, if you have been reading my latest posts, I have been through a lot. I have been fighting with this harsh reality, trying to find a better job, a place where I could work and develop, a place where I could be myself.
And to be honest, it wasn’t easy at all. To be stuck in a present where everybody was busy with their own thing and you just had to go through through fog, to discover who you really are and what you were truly made for. Living in a place like Suceava, doesn’t give you so much opportunities and open doors. You have to fight for a place of work you should have had from the beginning, but politicians don’t give a thing about that, not in Romania.
Two weeks ago I left my other job because of the fact that I was getting sick, physically and mentally. My legs still hurt because all the cold I had to endure and I still have flu, and my mind is stuck in all those numbers and unsatisfied employees, but hey! I had the guts to leave that place for the better, to find a better way to evolve and discover myself.
Yeah, it may sound easy at first but it’s not. I can’t tell you how many times I felt like a nothing. Since I graduated I changed 2 jobs because of the environment, because of the loud yelling and other reasons which imprisoned my development and work.
People, stopped, looked and concluded! Everybody asked me why had I took that decision and didn’t work anymore. They were almost sure that I was a lazy and impassive person who just wants to stay at home. Acid words which hurt when you say them without even thinking or at least care about what really happened.
In their times things didn’t worked like that, people in times of our parents had a job which continued from when they graduated until they got older and retire. I wish I could have lived their times though!… . The times when you didn’t have to worry about tomorrow because you got it assured, because the state was helping you with real jobs, and supported your tomorrow.
I listened, answered with simple words and moved on. But somewhere, deep inside, those words hurt. In the end I became another person. A cold and stubborn person, which I may not recognize myself in the mirror at first. Going through rough storms usually changes you, literally. But if one thing doesn’t stop, and grows stronger, that’s not giving up.
Not giving up, I don’t want to give up and I will never give up! These were the words I kept saying to myself, on and on. So here I was… Going to numberless interview, trying to convince people of my skills and abilities, finding a place for me. People looked at me, questioned me, and promised to give a feedback in a few days.
So, days went into weeks and this last week I finally got an answer. After talking in English almost 2 hours and completing a 5 page test I got admitted, as a customer support in English. It’s not much, it’s not the field I studied, but in balance for now it’s the best choice. The best part is that you can improve yourself in time and reach a better position in company, which is awesome!
I know what I am capable of and I believe in me and my skills; in the end if it’s something people can’t take from you, is your knowledge and ingenuity. I just hope for the best and have trust in tomorrow. I have a vision for tomorrow that my place is where it has to be and awaits me, no matter what people might think or say because the real answer is in me!
(Image Source – Unsplash)