Thought of the day 9#

      Nici nu stiu cu ce ar trebui sa incep… .Ma rezum totusi la faptul ca mi-a fost dor de blog, de voi. Am avut o saptamana incarcata de sentimente si intamplari, care mai de care mai ample si mai putin iritante.

Dupa cum am povestit in articolele precedente, am finalizat un capitol prematur inceput din aceasta viata. Acum, sunt in cautarea unui nou capitol, mai bun si prosper insa din pacate nu-mi gasesc inspiratia, imi lipsesc randuri din cartea vietii si privesc la pagini goale.

Caut raspunsuri in locuri diverse, ma afund in amalgamuri de noi informatii si acumulez… din pacate mari nimicuri.

Imi petrec ore in sir in fata ecranului alb, pe site-uri specializate cautand indicii despre viitor, despre scopuri si dorinte. Ma innec intr-o baie de multime, socializez cu necunoscuti dar nimeni nu pare sa imi fure inima. Tot ceea ce acumulez sunt promisiuni si fagaduieli desarte.

Ma afund in ganduri felurite si visez la noi apusuri, la noi orizonturi.

Un element statornic si din ce in ce mai prezent este speranta. Si incapatinarea. Faptul ca imi cunosc puterile si aspiratiile ma determina sa nu renunt, sa duc lupta la un alt nivel. De foarte multe ori, din pacate ma lovesc de ziduri mari prin care nu trec sabiile launtrice si razboiul se opreste pentru cateva momente.

In ciuda lacrimilor amar-sarate ce se revarsa pe chip, imi ridic armele ca un soldat ranit si continui sa caut raspunsuri, continui sa caut o cale de iesire.

Un lucru e cert si sigur. Inapoi nu am cum sa ma mai intorc, si o cale de mijloc nu exista. Din toate incercarile la care am fost supusa pana in prezent am invatat ca trebuie sa imi pastrez calmul si orice as face nu trebuie sa renunt.

Sansele mele exista, chiar daca in acest moment ma invart intr-un cerc de ceata si nesiguranta. Va aparea si locul potrivit pentru mine, doar ca se afla pe undeva, la capatul vreunui tunel intunecat.

Sunt constienta ca aceasta incercare are un rol important si voi avea ceva de invatat. De asemenea stiu ca in urma acestui capitol incetosat ultimele randuri vor concluziona de ce restul paginilor sunt voalate, si ca de fapt trebuiau simtite nicidecum citite limpede.

Sursa Unsplash

English version

I do not even know what I should start with … . I still have to summarize the fact that I missed the blog, I missed you. I have had a week full of emotions and events that were more ample and less irritating.

As I have mentioned in the previous articles, I have completed a premature chapter from this life. Now, I’m looking for a new chapter, better and prosperous, but unfortunately I can not find my inspiration, I miss the rows of the book of life and look at blank pages.
I’m looking for answers in various places, I am amalgamous with new information and I am collecting … unfortunately nothing importantly big.

I spend hours in front of the white screen on specialized sites looking for clues about the future, about goals and desires. I drown in a bath of many unknown people, socialize with strangers, but nobody seems to steal my heart. All that I accumulate are vague promises.
I am caught in various thoughts and I dream of new landscapes and new horizons.

A steadfast and more and more present element is hope. And stubborness. Being aware of my powers and aspirations causes me not to give up, to take the fight to another level. Many times, unfortunately, they hit me with large walls that do not cross the inner swords and the war stops for a few moments.

Despite the bitter-salty tears streaming over my face, I pick up my weapons as a wounded soldier and continue to look for answers, continuing to look for a way out.

One thing is certain.I can not get back, and a middle way does not exist. From all the trials I have been subjected to so far I have learned that I must keep my calm and whatever I do I do not have to give up.

My chances exist, even if at this moment I’m in a circle of fog and insecurity. There will also be a right place for me, just somewhere at the end of a dark tunnel.

I am aware that this test has an important role and I will have something to learn. I also know that after this blurred chapter the last lines will conclude why the rest of the pages are veiled, and that they really should not have been read but felt crystal clean.