What about today?

I have been so caught up in this crazy routine, one day after another that now when it tends to calm down I am scared. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the fact that it has slowed down the rhythm but it’s just that I am not used to it.

So today, besides home chores and work I believe I will just do things in a more rational way, now that I am well rested and have energy. After all, if I cannot do great things, I will do smaller things in a great way.

And live the moment.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Don’t I get to have a saying in this?

I don’t know about you guys, but for me it has been a long week, starting from Sunday.

 You know that moment when you leave from home but you have no idea when you are returning? When your so glad that you arrived at home but still have chores to do and end up getting in the bed late? When the phone rings in the morning the same awful tune, all over again? Well for me whole week it has been like this.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love my work, even if sometimes is getting too hard to manage the load of tasks. I try my best to do the best I can in a few hours so that I could be happy of my results and so the company.

I also love my lovely family, for which I try to do the best to keep it happy and together, despite the odd circumstances, for better and for worse.

I try to put heart in everything that I do, even if sometimes I should not get involved so much in simple tasks, even if people advise me not to do that. I believe this is the way I am built and a little bit of passion and heart in every single task is not too much.

But sometimes I believe it is time to put a stop to it and refresh the session. Like, get a little time for myself and recover the energy tank, until it will not get empty. And you know also when you make plans and life gets ahead of you?

Yeah, in the past few months I felt like life made a lot of decisions without asking me. I feel like my happy emotions and feelings got away on a big vacation and I am left with the sad ones. Just like in the animation movie Inside Out.

Today a loved person from my family passed away, went in heaven to be with the angels. The funny thing is that I have planned to rest during the weekend and I have never thought even for a second that something bad could actually happen.

I did not get the chance to feel sorry, to cry or to mourn the loss. I was at office, working again and again, speaking too much for a day, forgetting about me and reality. Lately I get the feeling that life is happening and I don’t get to say a word about it. Just accept it and move on. My only question is until when.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Autumn feelings mixed up with random thoughts

Friday, September 27th. The day when autumn is persistent in the soul and outside. One can clearly feel the gradual drop in temperature, the summer season giving way to the crumbling autumn.

I started the week on Monday, but I have no exact notion that can prove the passage of time, at least, I didn’t feel it. Day by day, hour by hour, being caught up in the same activity that seems to continue forever.

Every day has the same nuances, the same vague happenings, the same hours spent in the hourglass. With eyes stuck in the monitor, paying attention to clients and their special needs, explaining in another language abstract and precise notions related to the IT area.

It is said that time goes by quickly when what you do is pleasing to you, but can it do it endlessly? Hm, maybe I just got bored, doing the same monotonous activity every day, speaking the same meaningless words as a programmed robot.

The home is cold. As if it had lost its charm since the last unfavorable family event, it seemed to stop shining. Gray and unintelligible dreams make their way through the subconscious, awakening my senses but without any meaning, leaving me cold and confused.

Ineffable desires and random ideas

I wish I could close my eyes and escape from this cruel reality, which practically draws life away from me, drop by drop. I wish I could regain my joy beforehand, to see the spark of happiness in every smile.

I would like to enjoy again the „curtain” of safety and joy displayed on the faces of the known persons. I would like to go back to my childhood, where I did not know about falsity and cowardice, arrogance and lack of common sense, where everything seemed perfect, in a world full of imperfections.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

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Wishes, wishes and wishes, which of course will never be fulfilled. The world is false, it wears masks and it is hidden. On the one hand they wants to enter into your soul, revealing the secrets you have gathered for a lifetime, and on the other they turn their back and laugh at your own suffering.

It is said that it is best not to show yourself to the world, to be indifferent and apathetic. Attributes such as naivety, childhood, indecision have nothing to do with our dictionary. But how can you hide something that is part of us? You can’t mask a good soul.

The world will never stop uselessly analyzing and commenting on situations and unknown people without the knowledge of the cause. At the end of the day it is important to become aware of what is inside you, the qualities and what made you become the man you are today.

A quote says: „At the bad worker during fall the heart cries” I believe that the bad workers are represented by the false world and the heart and the fall are in fact the broken souls in the process. And as the leaves decompose during the migration from autumn to winter, so will the world at some point in life, destroyed by its own deeds.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Goodbye, pure soul!

I used to dream about you. I used to picture myself how would life look with your powerful presence in it. I wanted you so bad that I could not picture life without you. How could you just leave? Why did you left me alone?

I wished to meet you so bad that I even scheduled an appointment with the doctor sooner than expected. I was so delighted of the thought that I am going to see you for the first time, I cannot even describe in words the feeling.

But then, in the darkest moment of the earth, by an unknown cause your heart decided to stop beating, and you stopped growing. A few days ago I could feel you developing and starting to catch life and shape within me, and now you just have to go, without a reason or cause.

How come you did not wanted me to see you? Why did you decided to leave so soon?

We were so happy that you are going to arrive, that we even started making plans for our future together. We started imagining a better life, a responsible life with a new joyful member in it. But you decided to leave us… .

Looking back at the memories built related to your arrival, at the plans and at the happiness involved at that time I just wish we could stop that moment and live in it forever.

Now, the present is empty and sad without you. I see the clothes prepared for you, the small little toys, the changes that we made in our home and soul, but I don’t see or feel you anymore.

I just wish that for a moment the pain will stop and the tears will simply evaporate in the thin air. Everything that I can feel is sadness and nothing seems to be worth a value  without you anymore.

But I pray for you, dear and lovely soul and I wish that you could be happy in the heaven with other pure souls. And I also like you to know that I loved you more than life itself even if you decided to leave us.

How to keep calm in stressful situations

Lately, the situations around me have been extremely stressful both at work and at home. So, in a short time, I came to become from a calm and extremely patient person, to an agitated one, anxious and ready to attack in the second two.

Now, since it is Saturday, a day of relaxation and rest before next week before Easter, I set out to make a change. I will focus on changing behaviors and reducing the vibrant stress that set in the last period.

Today I want to share with you, my dear readers, some of the methods I want to address in avoiding stress and keeping more calm as I possible can.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

What is stress?

Dex define: STRESS, stresses, (Med.) General term used for any environmental factor (trauma, emotion, cold, heat, etc.) capable of causing a state of tension and a reaction to the human, sometimes causing serious illnesses; p. ext. an unfavorable effect on the body of the beings by an environmental factor.

How to keep calm in stressful situations?

The fact that we are in a constant hurry to quench our energy. Work, everyday routine and unexpected situations make our patience and calm to the test, overwhelming us. Therefore, several important steps that we must follow in this case are:

Breathe and Expire. Breathe and expire deep 5 times. Imagine how all the tension disappears from your body after each expiration and smiles.
Relax. After the breath / expiration process, analyze your body and identify exactly which areas are embedded and tense. Slowly massage the affected areas and imagine yourself in a place that could calm you down: at the beach, in the mountains or even in a hot tub with water.
Do not get attached, just give up. As strange as it may seem, giving up a stressful situation is very often, indicated. Stressing and worrying will not improve the situation because you are already involved in the act. So keep your head up and give up, simply say No.
If you have a great goal, divide it into small successes. Always focusing on the end result can become exhausting because it takes a lot of time and patience. Stop focusing on negative thoughts. Being able to give you positive feedback will help you grow in patience, courage and find more joy in fulfilling a goal.
What would someone else do in this situation? Another way to avoid stress is to imagine what another person would do in this situation. Just ask yourself, what would „Z” do in this situation? „Z” can be anyone, your favorite hero from the last book read, the character most adored from a movie or even at some point in your life. Because „YOU” are strong.
Look at the picture as a whole. When you find yourself in a stressful situation, stop, breathe deeply. Ask yourself if you lose your temper now, this will still matter: next week, next month, over the next 10 years? The answer, you know it too, I know it, it will not matter to you! What’s the point of agonizing in a passenger pain that we probably will not remember next week?
Do not ask for the impossible! No one is perfect and it’s okay. Perfection has never existed, nor will it exist. Asking perfection from a person and even from you is stressful and impossible.
Put your patience to the test every day. You may be laughing because every day patience is being challenged by external factors. Why would we try to gamble with our luck? The answer is simple. As we practice, our patience will become more malleable and we will be able to react differently to the unknown, without stress and nerves, only with calm and perseverance.
Be present in TODAY. When you have many things to do and need to be active 24/24, both at work and at home, do not overstretch your thoughts and energy on tomorrow. You live today, you are present today in the actions today and that’s it. Because tomorrow will come anyway, and it does not make sense to think today for tomorrow and tomorrow for today.
Take care of yourself, and listen to your thoughts frequently. Around us, we are attacked everywhere in every direction, and in some cases there is no one around to give us the sense of comfort and safety. Plan more to take care of yourself. Respect your thoughts and desires, love yourself. If you love yourself enough then other persons will do it too.

Remember, dear reader, you are the sky… the rest of the things that are happening are only part of the weather.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Gandul zilei #21/ Thought of the day #21

Astazi este miercuri. Din nou, doar ca parca saptamana asta are un mod de a fi mai pasagera decat cealalta saptamana. Simt mai putin apasatoare orele petrecute la munca si acasa, am impresia ca parca ieri ar fi fost luni si astazi, iata, e miercuri.

Singurul lucru care nu se schimba este ploaia ce pare a fi din ce in ce mai deasa si mai rece. In ultima vreme tind sa cred ca vremea este prielnica vampirilor, nu tu soare, nu tu caldura… doar ploaie marunta, vant si frig.

Nu mai am energie, nu imi mai doresc sa zambesc, nu mai vreau sa fiu prietenoasa, ci sa fiu serioasa cu mine si cei din jur. Imi doresc doar sa imi inchid emotiile intr-o geaca groasa de iarna si sa inchid ochii. Sa meditez la necunoscut si inevitabil.

Astazi nu am inspiratie, dragi cititori, nu stiu ce as putea sa va spun. Imi doresc doar ca aceasta saptamana sa ia sfarsit si monotonia gri de semi-toamna de aprilie sa se blocheze pe undeva, printr-un alt univers paralel.

English Version

Today is Wednesday. Again, just like this week has a way to be more comfortable than the other week. I feel less pressing about the hours spent at work and at home, I feel like yesterday it was Monday and today, here it is Wednesday.

The only thing that does not change is the rain that seems to be getting thicker and colder. Lately, I tend to think the weather is more convenient for vampires, there is no sun, no warmth … just heavy rain, wind and cold.

I do not have any more energy, I do not want to smile anymore, I do not want to be friendly, but be serious about myself and others. I just want to close my emotions in a thick winter jacket and close my eyes. Let me meditate on the unknown and inevitably.

Today I have no inspiration, dear readers, I do not know what I could tell you. I just want this week to end and gray monotony of the April autumn semi-fall blocking somewhere through another parallel universe.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Thought of the day 20#

Decisions, decisions and decisions, we rule our entire life by those strings. Sometimes I just stay and think, I just meditate about the present period but don’t usually think about future. Quotes say to live in the moment and enjoy the present, but what if sometimes hurried choices contour your life in future?… .

Things are meant to happen in time, one by one, step by step just to be felt and lived in  entire proportion. Patience should be the thing which enlightens our way, always and forever. It’s just sad that reality teaches us this fact, later, when it hurts the most.

We are young, we live and we love. Rules are not respected all the time and are there just for presence, and to be over-passed. When we are young we are free and do almost whatever we want, we go savage and live life to the fullest.

The heart is so fragile and easy to be broken, that we don’t even realize when that happens. It’s all laughs and happiness until left alone in solitude, and your heart just starts skipping a beat. Tic-tac, all the time on the watch of life, but time is always cruel.

We want to make a difference, to be someone, to be independent and fully responsible of our facts and decisions. We want to own the situation and be 100% proud of our development and courage that we have given proof in life, building huge castles of sand.

But castles of sand no matter how huge, they will always collapse at the strongest wave. And those situations you owned in past make no difference in the now situations, the ex future. Young souls are supposed to get crushed, turn into sand and after that be a part of something beautiful and huge again.

That is our life’s trace usually, get up and be awesome, fall back in our knees again, turn into flat sand, and rise again. The heart might get lost sometimes, but we should always use our brains just to get in the fact, accept the reality and move on.

William Shakespeare once written: I must be cruel, only to be kind. One should always be tough with a personal self, just to improve and become better in time.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Gandul zilei 19#/Thought of the day 19#

Este seara si tarziu. Mult prea tarziu pentru a concluziona elementele importante ale zilei, mult prea obositor. Mintea este incarcata de notiuni nemaintalnite iar picioarele se simt greoaie si obosite, trupul este istovit. Dar cine mai sta sa numere orele si minutele scurse? La urma urmei timpul este facut sa treaca.

Afara e intuneric. Seara s-a lasat pe nesimtite, cuprinzand lumea intr-o manta neagra si umeda. Pe drum se zaresc faruri aprinse ale unor masini ratacite intr-o intersectie mult prea ingusta si becuri ce lumineaza slab soseaua.

Pe trotuar poti asculta pasii incalciti si grabiti ai trecatorilor osteniti adancindu-se in belti formate de sezonul ce tocmai a trecut. Lumea este agitata si se grabeste, fiecare la randul lui asteptand sa ajunga la adapost, intr-un loc cald si primitor, ferit de intemperii si tristeti, intr-un loc numit acasa.

In statia de microbuz, bancile de lemn sunt umede si mult prea reci. Stropii ascutiti de apa trec fulgeratori prin adapostul temporar, iar vantul arunca furios cu valuri de frig si neputinta. Fire subtiri si albe se ivesc de nicaieri pe cer, luminand pentru un moment intinderea pamanteasca.

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Dar este abia luni si este ora 9 seara. Se arata o saptamana intreaga in fata plina de provocari si incercari, o saptamana intensa si lunga. La sfarsitul zilei ma simt amortita si mult prea obosita pentru a mai putea descrie si alte lucruri, lucruri vazute si simtite, lucruri care pot fi spuse si lucruri care trebuie tinute in adancul sufletului.

La sfarsitul zilei vreau doar sa tac si sa ascult ploaia, sa simt picaturile de ploaie pe piele contopindu-se cu sudoarea unei zile prelungite.

English version

It’s evening and late. Far too late to conclude the important elements of the day, far too exhausting. The mind is loaded with unimaginable notions and the legs feel awkward and tired, the body is exhausted. But who else can count the hours and minutes spent? After all, time is gone.

Outside it’s dark. The evening was left unmoved, encompassing the world in a black and wet mantle. On the way there are light beams of lost cars in a too narrow intersection, and light bulbs illuminating the road.

On the sidewalk you can listen to the hurried footsteps of the wandering passers by deepening into puddle formed by the season that has just passed. The world is agitated and hurrying, each in turn waiting to go to shelter, in a warm and welcoming place, away from the weather and sadness, in a place called home.

In the minibus station, wood benches are damp and too cold. Sparkling water splashes are flashing through the temporary shelter, and the wind blows furiously with cold waves and powerlessness. Thin and white threads rise out of the sky, lighting up for a moment the earthly stretch.

But it’s only Monday and it’s 9 o’clock in the evening. It will be a full week full of challenges and trials, a long and intense week. At the end of the day I feel numb and too tired to be able to describe other things, things seen and felt, things that can be said and things to be kept deep in the soul.

At the end of the day I just want to hear the silence and listen to the rain, to feel the drops of rain on the skin merging with the sweat of a prolonged day.

Gandul zilei 17#/Thought of the day 17#

In dimineata aceasta tocmai ce am avut un „wake up call”. Citeam un articol din feed-ul meu WordPress despre recunostinta, si despre a spune multumesc pentru tot ceea ce avem.

V-ati gandit vreodata la cat de nemultumiti putem fi? La cat de multe lucruri ne dorim si apoi dupa ce le avem cat de usor ne plictisim de ele si mergem mai departe ca si cum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat? Sa va dau un exemplu.

Acum cateva zile, eram extrem de nemultumita, deprimata chiar, de faptul ca nu gaseam un job potrivit si ca eram mai mereu acasa, nereusind sa aduc un venit si fiind incapabila sa ma dezvolt. De saptamana aceasta situatia s-a schimbat, am un job mai mult decat placut, intr-un mediu minunat si agreabil, insa normal ca am o problema: Managementul timpului.

Pentru prima saptamana este putin cam dificil sa ma adaptez la programul de serviciu, la treburile de pe acasa si la activitatea de pe blog. Dar, din fericire ajung chiar la momentele potrivite in timp util fara a intarzia sau a nu realiza vreun lucru din ce imi propun.

Sigur ca sunt mai epuizata psihic datorita „sarcinii” de noi cunostinte, si la fel de obosita fizic dar sunt multumita, deoarece mi s-a indeplinit dorinta si pot evolua. Dar, normal, ca orice om am si nemultumiri si imi doresc sa pot functiona si mai bine dand un randament mai productiv.

Dar treptat realizez ca totul necesita timp, perseverenta si dedicare. Si ca in loc sa ma plang, ca am prea multe task-uri si prea putin timp la dispozitie pentru a le rezolva pot sa spun un simplu dar sincer „Multumesc” lui Dumnezeu ca m-a adus intr-un prezent mai mult decat perfect, alaturi de oameni frumosi si momente deosebite.

Asadar am doua alegeri: Sa ma plang si sa fiu morocanoasa sau sa fiu recunoscatoare si fericita pentru ceea ce am, muncind pentru un viitor mai bun, pentru o mai buna „eu”. Se spune ca recunostinta este o virtute a sufletelor nobile, cheia prosperitatii si fericirea dublata de surprindere.

Pentru mine recunostinta este un adevar ce l-am acceptat cu sufletul impacat, fiind multumita pentru ca ceea ce am cerut depaseste ceea ce am primit. Astfel, iau ziua de astazi ca pe un dar, eliberandu-ma din inchisoara preocuparii de sine.

Buddha spunea : “Sa ne ridicam si sa fim recunoscatori, pentru ca, daca nu am invatat multe lucruri astazi, macar am invatat putine, iar daca nu am invatat nici putine, macar nu ne-am îmbolnavit, iar daca ne-am îmbolnavit, macar nu am murit; așa ca, haideti sa fim cu totii recunoscatori.”

English version

This morning I just had a „wake up call”. I read an article in my WordPress feed about gratitude, and about saying thank you for everything that we have.

Have you ever thought how discontented we can be? How many things do we want and then after we have them as easily bored with them and go on as if nothing had happened? Let me give you an example.

A few days ago, I was extremely unhappy, depressed, that I was not able finding a job, and that I was always at home, unable to make a living and being unable to grow. This week the situation has changed, I have a job more than pleasant, in a wonderful and agreeable environment, but normally I have a problem: Time management.

For the first week it’s a little difficult to adapt to work schedule, homework and blog activity. But fortunately I get to the right moments in a timely manner without delaying or not doing any of what I propose to myself.

Of course I’m more psychologically exhausted due to the „hardness” of new knowledge, and as well physically tired but I’m happy because my desire has been fulfilled and I can evolve. But normally, like any man I have and discontent, and I wish I could work better and give a more productive situation.

But gradually I realize that everything requires time, perseverance and dedication. And instead of crying that I have too many tasks and too little time to solve them I can say a simple but sincere „Thank you” to God that brought me into a more than perfect present, alongside beautiful people and special moments.

So I have two choices: To cry and be sad or to be grateful and happy for what I have, working for a better future for a better „I”. It is said that gratitude is a virtue of noble souls, the key to prosperity and happiness doubled by surprise.

For me, gratitude is a truth that I have accepted with my heart, and I am pleased that what I asked exceeded what I received. Thus, I take this day as a gift, freeing me from the prison of self-concern.

Buddha said, „Let us rise up and be grateful, for if we have not learned much today, at least we have learned a little, and if we did not learn a little, at least we did not get sick and if we got sick, at least I did not die; so let’s all be grateful. „

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Thought of the day 16#

There are days and days. Some days are better, some are worse. In the end it all depends on how we think about it, on how we feel it. I don’t know about you guys, but there has been some days in which I found myself thinking: What am I doing here? Was I meant to be in this place, to live this life?

I can’t say I hate my life cause I am not. I am just lost in the clouds sometimes trying to figure out things, things that may work out for me and things that may not. Lately, it has been a blurry period for me. As you may know, if you have been reading my latest posts, I have been through a lot. I have been fighting with this harsh reality, trying to find a better job, a place where I could work and develop, a place where I could be myself.

And to be honest, it wasn’t easy at all. To be stuck in a present where everybody was busy with their own thing and you just had to go through through fog, to discover who you really are and what you were truly made for. Living in a place like Suceava, doesn’t give you so much opportunities and open doors. You have to fight for a place of work you should have had from the beginning, but politicians don’t give a thing about that, not in Romania.

Two weeks ago I left my other job because of the fact that I was getting sick, physically and mentally. My legs still hurt because all the cold I had to endure and I still have flu, and my mind is stuck in all those numbers and unsatisfied employees, but hey! I had the guts to leave that place for the better, to find a better way to evolve and discover myself.

Yeah, it may sound easy at first but it’s not. I can’t tell you how many times I felt like a nothing. Since I graduated I changed 2 jobs because of the environment, because of the loud yelling and other reasons which imprisoned my development and work.

People, stopped, looked and concluded! Everybody asked me why had I took that decision and didn’t work anymore. They were almost sure that I was a lazy and impassive person who just wants to stay at home. Acid words which hurt when you say them without even thinking or at least care about what really happened.

In their times things didn’t worked like that, people in times of our parents had a job which continued from when they graduated until they got older and retire. I wish I could have lived their times though!… . The times when you didn’t have to worry about tomorrow because you got it assured, because the state was helping you with real jobs, and supported your tomorrow.

I listened, answered with simple words and moved on. But somewhere, deep inside, those words hurt. In the end I became another person. A cold and stubborn person, which I may not recognize myself in the mirror at first. Going through rough storms usually changes you, literally. But if one thing doesn’t stop, and grows stronger, that’s not giving up.

Not giving up, I don’t want to give up and I will never give up! These were the words I kept saying to myself, on and on. So here I was… Going to numberless interview, trying to convince people of my skills and abilities, finding a place for me. People looked at me, questioned me, and promised to give a feedback in a few days.

So, days went into weeks and this last week I finally got an answer. After talking in English almost 2 hours and completing a 5 page test I got admitted, as a customer support in English. It’s not much, it’s not the field I studied, but in balance for now it’s the best choice. The best part is that you can improve yourself in time and reach a better position in company, which is awesome!

I know what I am capable of and I believe in me and my skills; in the end if it’s something people can’t take from you, is your knowledge and ingenuity. I just hope for the best and have trust in tomorrow. I have a vision for tomorrow that my place is where it has to be and awaits me, no matter what people might think or say because the real answer is in me!

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(Image Source – Unsplash)