Autumn feelings mixed up with random thoughts

Friday, September 27th. The day when autumn is persistent in the soul and outside. One can clearly feel the gradual drop in temperature, the summer season giving way to the crumbling autumn.

I started the week on Monday, but I have no exact notion that can prove the passage of time, at least, I didn’t feel it. Day by day, hour by hour, being caught up in the same activity that seems to continue forever.

Every day has the same nuances, the same vague happenings, the same hours spent in the hourglass. With eyes stuck in the monitor, paying attention to clients and their special needs, explaining in another language abstract and precise notions related to the IT area.

It is said that time goes by quickly when what you do is pleasing to you, but can it do it endlessly? Hm, maybe I just got bored, doing the same monotonous activity every day, speaking the same meaningless words as a programmed robot.

The home is cold. As if it had lost its charm since the last unfavorable family event, it seemed to stop shining. Gray and unintelligible dreams make their way through the subconscious, awakening my senses but without any meaning, leaving me cold and confused.

Ineffable desires and random ideas

I wish I could close my eyes and escape from this cruel reality, which practically draws life away from me, drop by drop. I wish I could regain my joy beforehand, to see the spark of happiness in every smile.

I would like to enjoy again the „curtain” of safety and joy displayed on the faces of the known persons. I would like to go back to my childhood, where I did not know about falsity and cowardice, arrogance and lack of common sense, where everything seemed perfect, in a world full of imperfections.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

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Wishes, wishes and wishes, which of course will never be fulfilled. The world is false, it wears masks and it is hidden. On the one hand they wants to enter into your soul, revealing the secrets you have gathered for a lifetime, and on the other they turn their back and laugh at your own suffering.

It is said that it is best not to show yourself to the world, to be indifferent and apathetic. Attributes such as naivety, childhood, indecision have nothing to do with our dictionary. But how can you hide something that is part of us? You can’t mask a good soul.

The world will never stop uselessly analyzing and commenting on situations and unknown people without the knowledge of the cause. At the end of the day it is important to become aware of what is inside you, the qualities and what made you become the man you are today.

A quote says: „At the bad worker during fall the heart cries” I believe that the bad workers are represented by the false world and the heart and the fall are in fact the broken souls in the process. And as the leaves decompose during the migration from autumn to winter, so will the world at some point in life, destroyed by its own deeds.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Welcome back, dear Fall

I’m not sure if the fact that I was born in September is a reason to love you more, but I really missed you, gray autumn.

Since the summer I felt that something did not fit in the decor. The breathable heat, the scorching sun and the sweat made me want you more and more.

Many people become nostalgic with the arrival of your season, autumn. But I don’t feel that at all. I love the sweet expression of wind after the drizzle of summer, the cool splashes of rain entering the skin burnt by the sun, the sky steeped by clouds.

Maybe you feel what I feel, dear autumn. In a way, our feelings are reciprocal at this time of life, feeling together an unexpected sadness.

Like me, you change the shades of your soul to more serious and dry colors, from light green to dark brown, orange and red. We mature together in the monotonous dance of life, a long-desired season.

From the early hours of the morning you bring cold and moist shivers, sprinkling mist over the summer bedding, possessing the entire world. As a hesitant young girl you play with the temperatures and make changes to the world at your leisure without thinking about the consequences.

So while the morning is cold and ignorant, the noon brings unruly sunshine and high temperatures. In the evening it is much harsher than in the morning, the degrees falling far below the thermometer.

Nothing compares to a cup of hot tea, sipped intensely in front of the fire that burns the wet wood. Even the mohair in the cardigan braided by the mother has its place and handles the skin frightened by low temperature.

I like the sound of wilted leaves freshly fallen from the trees and their unmistakable scent. I would play all day hiding in the dry garden behind the house, enjoying myself as a child of your gifts.

The aroma of ripe apples, the sound of walnuts tumbling on the ground from the old tree, the cherries full and tasty in the fall, the burgundy plums and black grapes, all are gifts brought by you, rich autumn.

The strong smell of resin and wood, the stratified wood in algorithmic rows on the thick wall belonging to the house fence. The hard working people preparing for winter healthy and delicious preparations, all of which are part of your favorite activities in the fall.

The same activities are repeated every season, but each year is special in its own way and you make this possible every fall. Thank you for being here!

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Thursday in a few rows

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What were you doing last year at this time?

I don’t know about you but I lower my head down and smile. There has been so many things, so many memories, so many worries that are not present in the now.

Today we have other things to care about, to think and process. Things are different but somehow carry the same feelings and emotions.

Don’t let yourself carried by the wind and moments, they will happen anyway. Or better said, don’t worry about today, just live it. In an year from now you will smile again.

Happy Thursday, dear readers!

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(Image Source – Etsy)

Gandul zilei/ Thought of the day 9#

Un vis ciudat m-a trezit noaptea trecuta. M-am visat in locuri necunoscute de mine, la tara, intr-un anotimp rece si intunecat, cu oameni straini.

M-am visat intr-o familie de oameni simpli, cu nevoi si griji elementare dar care ma iubeau ca pe fiica lor. Am visat ca aveam o bunica frumoasa si atenta, iubitoare si harnica ce ma proteja ca pe un trandafir.

M-am visat din nou in anii tineretii, pe cand inca eram in pragul studiilor, mi-am visat caiete si cursuri, notiuni si informatii. Am stat din nou langa fantana impodobita de brazi falnici din curtea scolii si am admirat-o in toata splendoarea.

M-am vazut din nou langa tineri studenti si oameni de o varsta cu mine, m-am visat cu zambetul pe buze, m-am visat descoperind lumea.

Si am mai visat ca am finalizat scoala, m-am visat indragostita. Am trait fiorii momentelor puerile cand bunica iti interzice sa iesi noaptea cu tinerii la ore mult prea tarzii pentru varsta ta, am trait sentimente.

M-am visat mai indragostita decat am fost vreodata in aceasta viata, de parca inima mi-ar fi sarit din piept, si corpul ar fi fost martor. Am visat ca ma intalneam pe furis cu un necunoscut chipes, si ca de fiecare data in momentul in care apucam sa schimbam doua priviri, cineva intervinea intrerupand toata povestea, separandu-ne temporar.

Am visat ca am primit prajituri de la familia persoanei necunoscute fata de care aveam sentimente, un platou intreg de prajituri moi, fine si delicioase.

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Dintr-o data o alarma asurzitoare ma arunca din vis in prezent, la ora trezirii, 7.

Cu corpul beat parca de aroma somnului si ochii in lacrimi, ma aplec catre alarma si o inchid. Inima imi bate puternic si imi apasa dureros pe atrii, generand o durere surda. Un tinitus venit de nicaieri imi fura auzul si echilibrul facandu-ma sa ma prabusesc din nou, in asternutul moale. Insa creierul lucreaza si mintea e treaza. Ce a insemnat tot acel vis? Si de ce am sentimente profunde pentru persoane nemaintalnite?!…

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(Sursa Unsplash)

English version

A strange dream woke me up last night. I dreamed myself in places unknown to myself, to the countryside, in a cold and dark season, with strange people.

I dreamed of a family of simple people, with basic needs and worries, but who loved me as their daughter. I dreamed that I had a beautiful and loving grandmother, loving and hardworking that protected me like a rose.

I dreamed again in the years of my youth, while I was still on the brink of studies, I dreamed of notebooks and courses, notions and informations. I stood next to the fountain adorned by towering trees in the courtyard of the school and admired her in all splendor.

I saw myself again with young students and people of an age with me, I dreamed with a smile on my lips, I dreamed of discovering the world.

And I dreamed of finishing school, I dreamed that I was in love. I felt the horror of the baby moments when your grandmother forbids you to go out with the young people at an hour too late for your age, I have felt feelings.

I dreamed myself more in love than I ever had in this life, as if my heart had jumped out of my chest, and my body would have been a witness. I dreamed that I met with a charming man, and that every time we started to change looks, someone was interrupting the whole story, temporarily separating us.

I dreamed that I had cakes from the unknown person’s family to whom I had feelings, a whole platter of soft, delicate and delicious cakes.

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Suddenly a deafening alarm is throwing me out of my dream at the moment of awakening, 7.

With a drunk body with sleeping aroma and eyes in tears, I lean toward the alarm and close it. My heart is beating hard and painfully pushing my arteries, generating deafening pain. A tinnitus coming from nowhere steals my hearing and balance, making me crash again in my soft bed.

But the brain works and the mind is awake. What did that dream mean? And why do I have deep feelings for people I have never met? …

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(Unsplash source)