Blurry Thursday

It’s again Thursday. I just wish that time could be more gentle and make me feel every moment of this harsh life more tenderly. But life is not gentle, at least not in the very present.

Hours pass by, minutes and second seem like they don’t even exist, and days just disappear without even getting to realize what happens and when. All I get is the sad, bitter taste of the memory that once, something happened.

Why am I here, what did I do to deserve this sort of treatment? Why am I trying so hard but nothing seems to count or matter to anyone?….

How do you know when to feel the right feeling, how do you know what to speak with the „right” persons, what you need to not be judged so harshly?

Always trying too hard to do the right thing, to see the positive results and the smiles on the people’s faces. But the results are not even there because the process is not clear, the tasks are confusing and the smiles are not even true, hiding secrets behind.

So many questions hover in my mind and I just wish that I was not there at the moment, not to feel those stupid uncomfortable sensations that made my heart just drown in the deep.

As I am walking home, I can feel the wind whistling sad songs, crossing through my hair and embracing me with all its power. I find it hard to understand if he is trying to comfort me or to do even worse.

The low temperature in the air is making my short breaths struggle, pulling white clouds outside the mouth, for what seems like forever. Breath after breath, getting closer to home to the ones I love or used to love.

Everything is so confusing and I don’t even know what I feel or what I am anymore. My body seems to fail, the muscles hurt, the arms become numb and the soul just cries inside.

The way home is clear now and I am almost there. But I don’t feel like me, I don’t feel like talking or like even being present as my energy is drained. I wish I could go and hide in a corner, just me and my broken heart.

But tomorrow is Friday and maybe, just maybe I will find the answers and get along with my life, bearing my heavy cross until the very end. Hopefully, maturity will kick in and I will be better at hiding my true nature and becoming a fake version of myself, just like everybody else.

(Image Source – Unsplash)

Back to blogging, time management

Hello, dear readers. It’s been again a while since I have not been writing anything at all… and it is not necessarily because I did not wanted this to happen, but because that was the way things went.

I believe I forgot to enjoy life and it’s small pleasures, always heading out to work and always worrying about life in general, in this crazy world.

All I can feel is cold weather and harsh wind, I leave at work in the morning in the dark light and return back on the dark light as well. It all has begun to look like a gray routine that keeps on playing the same song, over and over again.

Lately I arrived at the conclusion that we can’t really know exactly how time passes by, in a few days winter will be here. Or, basically it should have already arrived, today it is 1 December.

Every day accompanied by a new journey, new steps, new resolutions but in fact just rushing the time in a very rude manner. Sometimes I just wonder, time is not affected by the way we keep pushing it around?

Requesting more and more, exhausting every single minute and second, just to live a little. But do we really live this time or we just take advantage, without really making anything great out of it?

Short letter to you, dear time

Dear time, if you hear me, make sure you forgive me. I believe that lately I have been your worst enemy, and I have used you more that I should have.

I promise you that in the near future I will give you the opportunity to breathe and take things slowly. I only have one request, make sure you will remember me again the true meaning of living in the moment, and allow me to enjoy your every tic-tac sound.

See you around!

(Image Source – Unsplash)

Quotes for a broken heart and moving on

Hello, dear readers! Today’s post is going to be about a broken heart and moving on in life. I have chosen for you a list of quotes that may enlighten your mind and help you in the journey of life. Enjoy!

(Image Source – Unsplash)

Quotes for a broken heart and moving on

“Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes!“
Jocelyn Soriano

“No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.“
Faraaz Kazi

“It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.“
Steve Maraboli

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.“
Mark Twain

“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.“
Shannon L. Alder

“Every time your heart is broken, a doorway cracks open to a world full of new beginnings, new opportunities.“
Patti Roberts

“Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it but also the father who wipes away the tears.“
Criss Jami

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.“
Mandy Hale

“I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart.”
Julia Roberts

“You find out what you are made of when you have a broken heart. If it happens early and often, all the better.” Isabel Gillies

“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you’ve made, if they don’t realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.” Steve Maraboli

“You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel. ” Johnny Depp

“A wounded deer leaps highest. ” Emily Dickinson

“Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow.” L. Ron Hubbard

“You’re gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.” Christina Perri

“It is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers of feeling. When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters anymore. It is the end of happiness and the beginning of peace. ” George Bernard Shaw

“Everyone in life is going to hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain. ” Bob Marley

“Don’t throw away your time dreaming of someone that doesn’t want you. No one is that amazing, certainly not the one who would pass you up.” Donna Lynn Hope

“Sometimes a little heartbreak is a lesson, and the best thing to do is just learn the lesson. ” Jon Voight

“If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold evermore wonders. ” Andrew Harvey

“The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. “

“Our hearts will be broken a thousand times over, but who is to say that our hearts were ever perfect to begin with? Maybe they can withstand a few cracks. After all, the way that we love is not perfect. We love things to such an incomprehensible depth that these things become worn in. Wouldn’t the most beautiful thing in the world be a heart that has been through all of the wear and tear, as worn in as your favorite sweater that both keeps you warm and grants you a smile in return? That’s the kind of heart that I want. Bruises make for beautiful colors after all. “ Elizabeth Brooks

(Image Source – Unsplash)

Dreams do come true?

Last night I had a weird dream. A heavy dream.

I dreamed that I was struggling to climb a rough, muddy hill. The path was harsh, there were obstacles along the way, rocks falling down and that it was really cold.

I also dreamed that the hill was so slippery and slimy, and even if the journey was so hard I still got to arrive at the top where a long and scary crocodile met me on the way.

I was so happy that I managed to arrive at least at the top but I was so frightened when I encountered the forceful animal.  The animal though did not try to bite me or fight with me, he just chased and followed me along the way.

The new path on the top was green and beautiful, surrounded by amazingly old buildings and stones. It felt like every single one of them had their own soul and purity, bringing magic to the place.

I was so disappointed though that I could not be free and eventually team up with the crocodile. His deeds were bad and cruel, bringing up to life stoned creatures and stealing their kind soul away.

One by one, the stones became cold and scary creatures and the crocodile was bringing them to life despite their will.

During the dream I felt so many things, that I cannot even explain. I felt sadness, disgrace, joy and then fear, unwillingness and helplessness.

I don’t even know how to understand this dream and how to explain it. All I know is that I felt it and just want to know the path to escape the crocodile.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Gandul zilei #21/ Thought of the day #21

Astazi este miercuri. Din nou, doar ca parca saptamana asta are un mod de a fi mai pasagera decat cealalta saptamana. Simt mai putin apasatoare orele petrecute la munca si acasa, am impresia ca parca ieri ar fi fost luni si astazi, iata, e miercuri.

Singurul lucru care nu se schimba este ploaia ce pare a fi din ce in ce mai deasa si mai rece. In ultima vreme tind sa cred ca vremea este prielnica vampirilor, nu tu soare, nu tu caldura… doar ploaie marunta, vant si frig.

Nu mai am energie, nu imi mai doresc sa zambesc, nu mai vreau sa fiu prietenoasa, ci sa fiu serioasa cu mine si cei din jur. Imi doresc doar sa imi inchid emotiile intr-o geaca groasa de iarna si sa inchid ochii. Sa meditez la necunoscut si inevitabil.

Astazi nu am inspiratie, dragi cititori, nu stiu ce as putea sa va spun. Imi doresc doar ca aceasta saptamana sa ia sfarsit si monotonia gri de semi-toamna de aprilie sa se blocheze pe undeva, printr-un alt univers paralel.

English Version

Today is Wednesday. Again, just like this week has a way to be more comfortable than the other week. I feel less pressing about the hours spent at work and at home, I feel like yesterday it was Monday and today, here it is Wednesday.

The only thing that does not change is the rain that seems to be getting thicker and colder. Lately, I tend to think the weather is more convenient for vampires, there is no sun, no warmth … just heavy rain, wind and cold.

I do not have any more energy, I do not want to smile anymore, I do not want to be friendly, but be serious about myself and others. I just want to close my emotions in a thick winter jacket and close my eyes. Let me meditate on the unknown and inevitably.

Today I have no inspiration, dear readers, I do not know what I could tell you. I just want this week to end and gray monotony of the April autumn semi-fall blocking somewhere through another parallel universe.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Thought of the day 8#

Am vrut sa imi deschid ochii insa o durere m-a cuprins din neant. Niste fiori reci mi s-au strecurat pe dupa spate, si mi-au invaluit toata faptura.

Incerc sa ma misc dar trupul imi este captiv intr-o cusca si nu mi-l pot misca decat prin incercari asidue. Greutati invizibile imi captureaza picioarele si mainile, si lanturi grele imi apasa pe piept.

In ochi simt acid, ei ma ustura si ma dor. Pleoapele imi atarna greoaie iar cand clipesc fruntea imi trimite prin semnale prin vibratii chinuitoare.

Lacrimi aspre imi scalda fata fara motiv, si pielea ma irita. Nasul imi este captiv, mi-l simt incarcat si necajit.

Vreau sa rostesc niste vorbe, vreau sa cer ajutor, dar glasul imi este inactiv, corzile vocale sunt incetinite de un virus si reusesc sa scot un sunet ragusit si soptit: Am racit… !

Cu toata puterea ma ridic din pat ce pare a ma trage inapoi, cu mreje solide si sigure. Genunchii imi tremura, capul imi este impovarat si vederea incetosata; tot organismul este inghitit de simptomele bolii si eu… eu sunt sclava neputintei.

Aragazul tiuie aievea, sunete de gaz palpait prin instalatie. Arunc un ibric pe ochiul aprins, potrivesc cateva plante cu efecte vindecatoare si le innec in apa clorinata de la chiuveta.

Mergand cu durere, ca o bolnava fara scapare, rabatez geamul scrutand o privire asupra tabloului tomnatic. Dintr-o data, ca dintr-o alta lume mi se infatiseaza un film alb-negru,  cu sunete infundate de copii obraznici si galagiosi, schelalait de caini vagabonzi si ciori aiurite.

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Dupa o baie prea fierbinte ma las prada ceaiului aburind si pastilelor cu efect prea intarziat, prea slabe pentru afectiunea ce m-a invrajbit.

Este duminica, si saptamana atarna in tic-tacul catorva minute si secunde.

Dar va veni si saptamana viitoare… .

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(Google pics sursa)

English version

I wanted to open my eyes, but a pain covered me from nowhere. A few creeps crossed my back, and my whole body was shivering.

I try to move but my body is trapped in a cage and I can only move it through hard attempts. The invisible weights capture my legs and hands, and the heavy chains press on my chest.

In the eyes I feel acid, they are hurting me. The eyelids hang on me like cumbersome and when I blink, the head sends me signals through tortuous vibrations.

Harsh tears blaze my face for no reason, and my skin irritates. My nose is captive, I feel it loaded and unkempt.

I want to say some words, I want to ask for help, but my voice is inactive, the vocal cords are slowed down by a virus and they are able to make a tingle and whisper sound: I got a cold …!

With all my power I get up from the bed that seems to pull me back, with solid and secure nets. The knees tremble, my head is overwhelmed and the vision blurred; the whole body is swallowed up by the symptoms of the disease and I … I’m the a helpless slave.

The gas cooker sounded, gas flashed through the plant. I throw a jar on the burning eye, match some plants with healing effects, and drown them in chlorinated water from the sink.

Walking painfully, like a sick man with no escapes, I open the window and take a look at the tomnatic painting. At some point, like a new world, I’m seeing a black-and-white movie, cluttered with tumultuous and noisy kids,  scaffolding stray dogs and vicious crows.

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After a too hot bath I let myself pray to the steamy tea and the pills with too late effect, too weak for the affection that invaded me.

It’s Sunday, last week lays in the tic-tacs of a few minutes and seconds.

But next week will come too…. .