Letter to you, sweet baby

You’re gone now. All that I can feel is the numb pain clenching in my belly, remembering me that once you were there.

I have to say that I miss you. Even if at the beginning I was groggy and angry about all the new symptoms and not expected feelings that you were causing.  In time, day by day I learned to love you, to care and protect you, but unfortunately not good enough.

Looking back at the echo pictures I just wish I could wipe that horrible day from the calendar. Its been two weeks since the first visit at the doctor, the day when I understood that you were physically in there but not alive.

I wished to see you healthy, to hear your beautiful heart beat tumbling from the devices, to feel your first movements, to be your mother. But it was not meant to be.

Spending time in the full care of the doctors, seeing similar cases like mine, and being encouraged in every moment by the persons around me made me feel a little bit better.

The mood improved in presence of the persons who had to make feel different, but deep inside me the pain was still persistent.

I got to hear the tiny, little hearts of the small babies who were still in their mothers womb in the hospital. Bum, bum, bum beating strong, one beat after another. I just closed my eyes and wished for a second that heartbeat was yours.

I saw young mothers who were about to give birth to their beautiful children, scared of what tomorrow might bring but joyous for the present.

Most of all, the pain of letting you go was the strongest, little baby. There was a point where I thought that the mental pain was the painful thing that I would ever feel, but that was not true.

The physical pain was even greater. I remember yelling out to the doctor, begging him to stop that excruciating pain, crying out for help but a mean claw dragged you out of me and my life.

At the end of the procedure, the dry tears and hot blood along with the pain, were the only things that I could relate to. I heard the doctors leaving the room, felt the nurse making me a shot but all that I could see were white stars on the white ceiling. At that moment I just wanted to die.

My heart ached seeing and feeling all of these realities, and wished deeply and truly that those could not be a part of my life. But God saw another future for my life, God did not wanted you to happen.

I spent days overthinking about what did I do wrong, what caused you to move out of my life but could not find an answer. And neither the doctors.

I know that now you are in a better place, watching down upon us. My tears and the pain from my soul might upset you, but do understand that we were preparing to welcome you in our life, not to throw you away.

Now, I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring, little baby. But if in the future, you decide to come again, I will be more prepared than ever and I will love you with all my heart.

With love, your mom.

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Goodbye, pure soul!

I used to dream about you. I used to picture myself how would life look with your powerful presence in it. I wanted you so bad that I could not picture life without you. How could you just leave? Why did you left me alone?

I wished to meet you so bad that I even scheduled an appointment with the doctor sooner than expected. I was so delighted of the thought that I am going to see you for the first time, I cannot even describe in words the feeling.

But then, in the darkest moment of the earth, by an unknown cause your heart decided to stop beating, and you stopped growing. A few days ago I could feel you developing and starting to catch life and shape within me, and now you just have to go, without a reason or cause.

How come you did not wanted me to see you? Why did you decided to leave so soon?

We were so happy that you are going to arrive, that we even started making plans for our future together. We started imagining a better life, a responsible life with a new joyful member in it. But you decided to leave us… .

Looking back at the memories built related to your arrival, at the plans and at the happiness involved at that time I just wish we could stop that moment and live in it forever.

Now, the present is empty and sad without you. I see the clothes prepared for you, the small little toys, the changes that we made in our home and soul, but I don’t see or feel you anymore.

I just wish that for a moment the pain will stop and the tears will simply evaporate in the thin air. Everything that I can feel is sadness and nothing seems to be worth a value  without you anymore.

But I pray for you, dear and lovely soul and I wish that you could be happy in the heaven with other pure souls. And I also like you to know that I loved you more than life itself even if you decided to leave us.

Scrisoare catre tine, strain nenorocit/ Letter to you, rascal stranger

Tu, strainule ce ma privesti urat din departare, ce treaba ai cu mine?! M-ai cunoscut cumva, vreodata in viata asta sau ai auzit de mine poate?

Nu imi amintesc sa te fi zarit vreodata in pasii mei, nici macar pentru o clipa, nici macar pentru o secunda. Si totusi, imi vine greu sa te vad, la cativa metri distanta scrutand priviri ucigatoare in aer.

Poate pe fata-mi obosita o sa vezi un zambet scurt si timid. Tu, strainule, niciodata nu o sa stii ce dureri se ascund in spatele zambetului, ce trairi, ce suferinte si ce necazuri am intalnit pana acum, si chiar astazi. La tine, totul e relativ, si ochii tai judecatori nu cunosc mila sau blandetea.

Iti place sa imi analizezi portul si stilul vestimentar, sa examinezi fiecare element in parte. De sus pana jos, categorizezi totul drept infim si lipsit de stil sau eleganta. Stil pe care, o fata obisnuita ca mine, il poate considera placut si modest, potrivit pentru o zi la birou, insa tu nu il intelegi. Iti citesc in ochii cenusii si tulburi dispretul si lipsa de interes.

Ma urmaresti cercetator prin mijlocul de transport in timp ce discut cu o simpla taxatoare in varsta, in timp ce respect regulile de buna maniera, spunandu-i un simplu dar sincer noapte buna. Cum ai putea tu sa te cobori vreodata la inaltimea unei persoane ce nu iti impartaseste idealurile si scopurile impertinente? La o persoana mediocra in comparatie cu tine?

Tu esti o persoana rece si inefabila ce nu va putea vreodata cunoaste alte realitati, in afara de cele ingradite de propria gandire ingusta si lipsita de idealuri. Ma urasti din simplul motiv pentru ca te regasesti in mine, in zambetul sincer si lipsit de interes, in inocenta din glas si linistea din privire.

Aflandu-ne in acelasi mijloc de transport, statia decide destinatia astfel ca la coborare tot simpli pietoni ai vietii suntem, captivi intr-un orasel mic si lipsit de importanta. Tu, la fel ca si mine, esti un simplu trecator, doar ca ai sufletul incarcat de ura si dusmanie, inversunat pe necunoscut si esti captiv in propria lume.

Pentru tine, strain nenorocit, nu am nimic astazi. Nu am zambete, nu am incruntari, nu am furie… ci doar indiferenta.

English version

You, stranger, why do you look bad at me, what do you have with me ?! Did you ever meet me, ever in this life or you heard of me maybe?

I do not remember seeing you in my footsteps, not even for a moment, not even for a second. And yet, it’s hard for me to see you, a few yards away, looking at me with those killing eyes in the air.

Perhaps my tired face will show a short and shy smile. You, stranger, will never know what pains are hiding behind the smile, the living and the troubles I have encountered so far, even today. To you, everything is relative, and your judge do not know mercy or gentleness.

You like to look at my port and style, examine each item. From top to bottom, you categorize everything as infinite and lacking style or elegance. A style that, like a regular girl like me, can find it pleasant and modest, suitable for a day in the office, but you do not understand it. I read in your eyes gray and troubled contempt and lack of interest.

You are following me with your eyes through the means of transport while talking with a simple old taxpayer, while respecting the rules of good manners, telling her a simple but sincere good night. How can you ever descend to the height of a person who does not share your impertinent ideals and goals? To a mediocre person compared to you?

You are a cold and ineffectual person who can never know other realities, apart from those inherent in your own narrow and lacking ideals. You hate me for the simple reason that you find yourself in me, in the sincere and unkempt smile, in the innocence of my voice and the silence of my gaze.

By the same means of transport, the station decides the destination so that when descending all the simple pedestrians of life we ​​are trapped in a small and irrelevant town. You, just like me, are a passerby, only that you have a soul filled with hatred and anger, you invade the unknown and you are captive in your own world.

For you, miserable stranger, I have nothing today. I don’t have a smile, I do not have anger, I do not have anything … but just indifference.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Vinerea cea tacuta/The quiet friday (Quote of the day 18#)

Imi place sa privesc cerul. Si uneori sa tac. Sa stau in monotonia gandirii ascultand sentimentele cele mai ascunse si emotii mult prea traite.

Prea multa vorbarie uneori este in zadar, obosesti la un moment dat. Asadar, prefer sa stau, sa ascult, sa interpretez, sa las persoanele din jurul meu sa se exprime. Si cele mai sociabile persoane au nevoie uneori de o pauza, de tacere.

Ma pierd in multime, alaturi de oameni necunoscuti si curiosi, cu priviri iscoditoare si critice. Atitudinea pastrata este aceeasi mereu, pasiva si indiferenta. De ce mi-ar pasa ce gandesc persoane pe care nici macar nu le cunosc?… .

Firicele de vant subtiri gadila pielea si transmit fiori reci in corp. Haina de iarna apasa adanc pe corp si ghetele grele incetinesc pasii. Dar afara este inca frig si februarie, si sufletul vrea sa se ascunda dupa un anotimp rece, jucandu-se cu o realitate fragila. Oboseala este omniprezenta si sufletul incarcat.

Dupa nori fumurii si grei, pare a se ivi si soarele cu dinti, domnind precum un rege maiestos si puternic. Ciori negre incoltesc cerul in semn primejdios cu sunete morbide si reci, intr-un peisaj de iarna tarzie.

English version

I like to look at the sky. And sometimes keep quiet. To Stay in the monotony of thinking, listening to the most hidden feelings and emotions way too lived.

Too much talk sometimes is in vain, you get tired at some point. So I prefer to stand, listen, interpret, let the people around me express themselves. And the most sociable people sometimes need a break, to enjoy the silence.

I lose myself in the crowd, with strange and curious people with curious and critical looks. Attained attitude is always the same, passive and indifferent. Why would I care what people think if I do not even know them?

The thin wind gadgets the skin and transmit cold creeps into the body. Winter clothes press deep on the body and heavy boots slow down the steps. But outside is still cold and February, and the soul wants to hide behind a cold season, playing with a fragile reality. Fatigue is omnipresent and the soul loaded.

After the smoky and heavy clouds, it appears the cold sun, reigning like a majestic and mighty king. Black crows embody the sky in a dangerous sign with morbid and cold sounds, in a late winter landscape.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Fricile noastre cele mai intense/Our deepest fears

Ni s-a intamplat de multe ori, sa fim cuprinsi de sentimente de frica. Dar ce este si cum se manifesta frica?!

Conform Wikipedia, Frica este un mecanism de supravietuire ce apare ca raspunsul unui om la o amenintare, de obicei negativa. Aceasta depinde de la o persoana la alta si poate varia de la prudenta la fobie si paranoia.

Initial apare informatia terifianta ce mai apoi se transmite catre centrii nervosi. Treptat, frica actioneaza de la stadiul mental la stadiul fizic, modificand ritmult cardiac (palpitatii), prin cresterea sau scaderea temperaturii si prin aparitia balbaielii. Unele persoane paralizeaza cand se confrunta cu o frica, nemaiputandu-si misca macar un deget.

In momentul cand se instaleaza frica, actioneaza un stimul denumit cortizon, numit si hormonul stresului ce creeaza probleme in sistemul imunitar.

Astfel, frica poate fi de mai multe tipuri: frica de disparitie, de moarte; frica de mutilare; frica de pierdere a libertatii; frica de abandon; frica de umilire.

Exista situatii in care frica declanseaza pofta de mancare sau invers, persoana isi poate pierde apetitul – Aceste situatii fiind starnite de localizarea fricii in zona Plexului Solar.

Plexul Solar – este situat in abdomen, in partea superioara, in spatele stomacului, in punctul in care coastele incep sa se separe. Este o retea de nervi din componenta Sistemului Simpatic. Plexul Solar este compus dintr-o substanta cenusie, asemanatoare cu cea a celorlalte creiere.

Cum combatem frica?

In primul rand trebuie sa intelegem ce provoaca aceasta frica si cum functioneaza. Cand ne concentram pe o emotie aceasta se amplifica (efectul de lupa). Cu cat ne gandim mai mult la o temere, cu atat ne cream scenarii si idei despre ceva ce s-ar putea intampla intr-un viitor apropiat.

Frica nu este decisa de realitatea din viata noastra ci de scenariile pe care noi le cream, acestea se hranesc cu mintea noastra. Cu cat dam mai multa atentie acestei situatii, cu atat ne compromitem sanatatea si gandirea.

Pentru a scapa de frica trebuie sa ne concentram atentia pe un alt scenariu, inducand in mintea noastra idei noi, pozitive si relaxante. Trebuie sa petrecem un timp cu noi insine, autoanalizand situatia si identificand curajul de a depasi circumstanta mergand inainte.

„Da piept cu cele mai mari frici ale tale. Dupa aceea, ele nu vor mai avea forta asupra ta iar tu vei fi liber” – Jim Morrison

English version

It has happened to us many times, to feel fears. But what is it and how does fear manifest itself ?!

According to Wikipedia, Fear is a survival mechanism that appears as a man’s response to a usually negative threat. It depends on one person to another and can vary from prudence to phobia and paranoia.

Initially, terrifying information appears, and then it is transmitted to nervous centers. Gradually, fear acts from mental stage to physical stage, altering heart rhythm (palpitations) by raising or lowering temperature and balancing. Some people paralyze when faced with a fear, not even moving a finger.

When the fear occurs, a stimulus called cortisone, also called the hormone of stress that causes problems in the immune system.

Thus, fear can be of several kinds: fear of extinction, of death; fear of mutilation; fear of losing freedom; fear of abandonment; fear of humiliation.

There are situations where fear triggers appetite or vice versa, the person can lose their appetite – These situations are triggered by the location of fear in the Solar Plexus area.

Solar plexus – is located in the abdomen, in the upper part, behind the stomach, at the point where the ribs begin to separate. It’s a network of nerves in the Sympathetic System. The solar plexus is composed of a gray matter, similar to that of the other brains.

                                                             How do we fight fear?

First of all, we need to understand what this fear is and how it works. When we focus on an emotion it amplifies (the effect of the magnifying glass). The more we worry about, the more scenarios and ideas we get about something that might happen in the near future.

Fear is not determined by the reality of our lives but by the scenarios we create, they feed on our minds. The more I pay attention to this situation, the more we compromise our health and thinking.

To get rid of fear, we must focus our attention on another scenario, bringing in our minds new, positive and relaxing ideas. We have to spend time with ourselves, self-analyzing the situation and identifying the courage to overcome the circumstance going forward.

„Face your greatest fears, then they will not have force on you and you will be free” – Jim Morrison

(Image Source – Unsplash)

Rezolutiile noul an, 2019/ The resolutions of a new year, 2019

Noul an 2019 m-a surprins naucita de oboseala dar cu veselie in suflet, alaturi de cei dragi mie, de familie si de oamenii pe care ii iubesc.

In ultimele clipe ale anului 2018, in timp ce numaram secundele catre 2019 am realizat un aspect foarte important – ca in familie se regasesc cei mai buni si adevarati prieteni pe care i-as putea avea vreodata.

Familia va fi intotdeauna stalp de sustinere, mereu acolo pentru tine, certandu-te cu asprime pentru greseli si apoi ocrotindu-te precum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat. Cine are familie este bogat pe lumea aceasta, familia este cea mai mare comoara pe care o poate detine un om.

Rezolutiile anului 2019

Anul acesta imi doresc sa fie diferit, vreau sa fac o diferenta in viata mea.

Pentru 2019 imi propun sa nu mai las gandurile negative sa ma inunde, din nici un unghi al vietii si voi incerca sa fiu mai optimista, privind cu speranta si incredere in viitor.

Voi fi mai calma si mai intelegatoare, incercand sa percep complet o situatie inainte sa explodez in emotii negre, furie si indignare. Voi incepe sa cred mai mult in mine si in visurile mele, le voi da o noua culoare si imi voi picta pastelat viata, cu fiecare zi ce trece.

Voi pretui persoanele importante pentru mine si le voi face sa se simta speciale in prezenta mea. Voi asculta si voi vorbi mai putin. Voi da tot ce am mai bun la serviciu si aici, pe WordPress. Voi descoperi noi modalitati de a ma exprima si de a transforma in bine abilitatile mele.

Si poate, anul acesta va aduce si altceva nou, care momentan este tinut sub semnul surprizei, pana la momentul oportun.

English version

A new 2019 surprises me with the fatigue but with joy in my soul, along with my beloved ones, my family and the people I love.

In the last moments of 2018, while counting down to 2019, I realized a very important aspect – that the family is home to the best and most real friends I could ever have.

The family will always be a pillar of support, always there for you, arguing with harshness for mistakes, and then guarding as if nothing would have happened. Who has families is rich in this world, the family is the greatest treasure that a man can have.

                                                           Resolutions of 2019

This year I want to make it different, I want to make a difference in my life.

For 2019, I propose not to let negative thoughts flood me from any point of life and try to be more optimistic, looking with hope and confidence in the future.

I will be quieter and more understanding, trying to fully perceive a situation before exploding into black emotions, anger and indignation. I will begin to believe more in myself and in my dreams, I will give them a new color and I will paint my life with crayon thoughts every passing day.

I will cherish the important people for me and make them feel special in my presence. I will listen and I will speak less. I’ll do everything I can best at work here and on WordPress. I will discover new ways of expressing and transforming my abilities.

 And maybe this year will bring something else that is currently under the sign of surprise until the right moment.

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(Image Source – Unsplash)

Kate is back in bussiness!

Au trecut cateva zile de cand tot priposesc ca o bolnava fara vindecare prin casa.

Astazi pot admite ca ma simt mai bine. Nu stiu daca si-or fi facut efectul pastilele si recomandarile naturiste ale medicului, dar eu simt ca pur si simplu invii.

De dimineata m-am trezit cu chef de treaba si activitate. Vreau sa ma simt utila, sa fiu activa.

In conditiile in care nu pot iesi din casa alte cateva zile trebuie sa imi gasesc o modalitate de a ma distrage de la melacolie si visare, alta decat lumea virtuala.

In plus, si soarele astazi m-a vizitat si mi-a imprumutat prin razele sale un sprint de vitalitate de care doresc sa profit la maxim.

Asadar mi-am facut un plan de „bataie” pentru 2-3 zile ce consta in:

  • Curatenie generala prin casa;
  • Planuri diy pentru interior;
  • Un antrenament pentru a-mi reintra in forma. Nu am pus grasime sau kg in plus, dar asta nu inseamna ca nu pot sa imi reimbunatatesc pozitia si nu pot lucra la talie;
  • Sa fiu o bloggerita activa; Asta inseamna sa postez macar un articol pe zi, si sa va citesc pe voi, dragi colegi bloggeri;
  • Sa ma rasfat si sa am mai multa grija de mine;
  • Sa merg la interviuri pentru cand o sa imi revin in totalitate.

Asadar, vindecarea mea se afla doar la cateva zile distanta, si pentru a-mi reveni complet voi respecta acest plan cu strictete.

In final vreau sa va multumesc pentru sfaturile si cuvintele frumoase pe care mi le-ati daruit la postarea Ce se intampla cu mine? , si ca ati fost alaturi de mine in acele momente neoportune.

O saptamana minunata va doresc, oameni frumosi! 🙂

English version

It’s been a few days since I’ve been putting myself in bed, at home like a sick man.

Today I can admit that I feel better. I do not know if the physician’s pills and physician’s recommendations were effective, but I just feel like resurrected. From the morning I woke up with a lot of work and activity in my head. I want to feel good, to be active.

Since I can not get out of the house for a few more days, I have to find a way to distract me from melancholy and dreams.

In addition, the sun today visited and borrowed through its rays a sprint of vitality that I want to make the most of.

So I made a „beating” plan for 2-3 days that consists of:

  • General cleaning through the house;
  • DIY interior plans;
  • A workout to re-enter in my shape. I did not put fat or kg extra, but that does not mean that I can not reshuffle my position and can not work at my waist;
  • Be an active blogger; That means posting an article a day, and reading you, dear colleagues bloggers;
  • To spoil me and take more care of me;
    – 
    Go to interviews when I’m totally back.

So, my healing is only a few days away, and to fully return, I will respect this plan strictly.

Finally, I want to thank you for the nice tips and words you gave me in posting. What’s wrong with me? , and that you were with me in those unapproachable moments.

Have a wonderful week beautiful people! 🙂

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Ce se intampla cu mine?/What is wrong with me?

O durere in gat ma chinuie de ceva zile. Ii simt spinii adanc cuibariti in interior si nu am cum sa ii scot. Ochii ma ustura si par ca vor sa ma pedepseasca pentru ca ii tin deschisi.

O caldura toropitoare mi-a cuprins tot organismul si simt cum in interiorul meu mocaneste stins o soba. O presiune se adanceste pe frunte, cuprinzandu-mi tot capul, intr-o durere surda.

Nu stiu daca aud, nu stiu ce simt. Nu am echilibru si imi doresc sa fiu activa, imi doresc sa fiu utila. Dar din pacate dupa primele miscari incetinesc ca un zombi in cautarea energiei. Un tinitus imi suna in timpane si in jurul meu e ceata.

O multime de furnici mi s-au adunat pe trup de nicaieri si vor sa imi intepe pielea si organele. Mi-as dori sa le pot opri dar ma simt neputincioasa. Fata, mainile, gatul … tot trupul ma mananca si se lupta.

Rezultatul este vizibil si dureros, urme mari si rosii aprinse apar din neant imbratisandu-ma strans, legandu-ma cu urzici si creand usturime… si durere.

Intrebarea mea este: Ce a cauzat aceste simptome? Sa fie o boala a copilariei sau o alergie/toxiinfectie alimentara?

Astept sugestii si sfaturi!!

English version


A sore throat has been torturing me for some days. I feel deep thorns nestled inside and I can not get them out. My eyes hurt and seem to want to punish me because they keep them open.

A throbbing heat absorbed my whole body and I felt like a stove blew out inside me. Pressure rises on my forehead, wrapping my head in deaf pain.
I do not know if I hear, I do not know what I feel. I have no balance and I want to be active, I want to be useful. But unfortunately after the first moves I slow down like a zombie in search of energy. A tinnitus sounds in my ears and around me is a fog.

A lot of ants have gathered on my body from nowhere and want to slam my skin and organs. I wish I could stop them but I feel helpless. The face, my hands, my throat … my whole body is eating and fighting.

The result is visible and painful, big traces and red lights appear from nothing, embrace me tightly, bind me with nettles and create frostbite … and pain.

My question is: What caused these symptoms? Is it a childhood illness or a food allergy / toxinfection?



I’m waiting for suggestions and tips!

Oboseala tarzie/ Late fatique

Privesc in umbra, lumina imi este intunecata de o ceata a trupului, de o osteneala apasatoare ce ma cuprinde parca din ce in ce mai tare.

Imi simt ochii grei si durerosi, inrositi ei vor parca sa inchid pleoapele si sa ma afund in al noptii somn adanc, sa visez.

Fata imi este palida si fada, ca o oglinda aburita. Uneori o simt ca imi amorteste din cauza lipsei masive de calciu, dar prefer sa ignor si sa merg mai departe.

Inima a incercat sa fie rezilienta si astazi. A ascultat si a batut, cum a stiut ea mai bine, in dansul ei monoton, cu tic si tac si o mica pauza intre.

Cat despre minte, a fost si ea agera astazi. Am plimbat-o printre cifre, litere intortocheate si denumiri ciudate, documente si hartii, cunostinte si necunostinte.

Glasul imi este ragusit, ruginit, terminat parca de atata vorbarie, atata adaugire de sunet si intonatie.

Trupul imi este si el istovit. Mainile nu mai stiu ce comanda sa preia de la centrii nervosi si actioneaza parca in slow motion, muschii mainii pedepsindu-ma pentru ca i-am suprasolicitat si astazi.

Picioarele… ele nu mai stiu. Le-am plimbat astazi prin atatea locuri incat nici ele nu mai retin pasii si traiectoria parcursa ci doar ritmul alert, ce il simt si acum in tendoane si muschi.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dar este abia miercuri seara, oboseala incepe sa intre in oase si gandire si sufletul parca ar vrea sa fuga inspre vineri, inspre odihna si relaxare, inspre weekend.

Cu ultimele puteri, reusesc sa inchei acest articol si sa ma rog la divinitate ca ziua de maine sa treaca mai repede si mai usor, sa nu ma mai simt ca un robotel ruginit si obosit intr-o zi de miercuri tomnatica si rece.

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(Sursa Unsplash)

English version

My look is a little bit shady, the light seems darker to me because of a fog of the body, a pressing force that encompasses me increasingly louder.

I feel my eyes heavy and painful, reddened they want me to close the eyelids and get off in the deep night sleep, to a beautiful dream.

My face is pale and vapid, like a steamed mirror. Sometimes I feel like I am numb because of the lack of calcium, but I prefer to ignore it and move on.

The heart has tried to be resilient today. She listened and beat, as she knew best, in her monotonous dance, with tic – tac and silence, and a small pause between.

As for the mind, she was sharp today. I walked through figures, crooked letters and strange names, papers and documents, knowledge and ignorance.

My voice is hoarse, rusty, finished because of so much speech, so much added sound and intonation.

My body is also exhausted. Hands do not know what order to take from nervous centers and act in slow motion, my muscles punishing me because I overstrained them today.

The legs … they do not know. I walked them today through so many places that they no longer retain the steps and trajectory but only the alert rhythm, which I feel now in tendons and muscles.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

But it is only Wednesday night and fatigue begins to enter into bones and thoughts and the soul seems to want to run to Friday, to rest and relaxation, to the weekend.

With the last powers, I finish this article and pray for the divinity that tomorrow will pass faster and easier, to not feel like an rusty and tired robot on wednesday cold autumn night again.

De la 22 la 23, am mai imbatranit cu un an!/ From 22 to 23, I got older!

Buna ziua dragilor! Imi cer scuze din suflet ca nu am mai avut postari recente.

Am avut niste zile foarte incarcate si timpul nu mi-a permis sa imi mai astern gandurile si emotiile aici, in lumea Catalinei sau in Katherine’s world, cum ii mai zic eu.

Unul dintre faptele care, pe mine m-au marcat este inaintarea in varsta. Saptamana aceasta, pe 6 septembrie am implinit 23 de ani!

Pe data de 6 septembrie, in 1995, intr-o zi ploioasa de toamna la maternitatea din Falticeni, judetul Suceava, o oarecare graviduta, pe numele Georgeta a nascut o fetita de 3.200 kg cu nota 10, pe numele de Mariana Catalina.

Acea fetita eram eu, si retraiesc in fiecare an momentele venirii mele pe lume, alaturi de mama mea.

„Cataalinoo, daca ai sti tu… . Ziua in care te-am nascut, si acum o tin minte! La ora 4 si jumatate dimineata te-am nascut, imi relateaza ea cu lacrimi in ochi si privirea tintuita in pamant.

Asistentele nici macar nu ma bagau in seama, erau reci si nesimtite. Simteam ca imi dau duhul acolo pe scaun, in timp ce alte femei nasteau usor si rapid.

Incepand cu ora 5 dupa masa pana la 4 dimineata am asteptat sa vii pe lume. M-ai lovit cu picioarele si erai agitata, voiai sa vii cu orice pret. Si eu voiam, ca nu mai suportam durerea.

Am plans pe holuri, am tipat din toti rarunchii dar degeaba. Calmantele erau scumpe, si la fel si bunatatea personalului maternitatii.

Dimineata, pe la 4 jumatate ai aparut in aceasta lume nebuna, galagioasa si agitata. Plangeai din tot sufletul dar nu auzeam, eram surda la zgomot, durere si cele din jurul meu, te vedeam doar pe tine… .”

Nu ai cum sa nu asculti, sau sa nu te sensibilizezi la momente ca acestea. Povestea unei mame, indiferent de dialect sau accent ramane in suflet, o traiesti odata cu ea, mai ales daca este vorba despre nasterea ta.

Acum in pragul tineretii, la varsta de 23 de ani simt ca sunt implinita. Am o familie frumoasa, parinti dedicati si iubitori, persoane ce ar da orice sa ma stie fericita si satisfacuta. Am reusit sa imi finalizez studiile si acum lucrez in domeniul studiat de mine, Ingineria Alimentara.

Acum simt ca merg in viata pe calea dreapta si ca in viitor lucrurile vor merge inspre bine, ca si acum. Le multumesc parintilor pentru buna educatie, si pentru buna crestere, sotului meu pentru rabdare si afectiune, si tuturor prietenilor si cunostintelor ce sunt alaturi de mine pentru momentele frumoase petrecute impreuna; Va multumesc pentru ca ati facut sa infloresc in toti acesti ani, si nu sa imbatranesc!

English Version

Hello my dearest ones! I apologize for not having posted recent posts.

I had some very busy days and time did not allow me to put my thoughts and emotions back here, in the Catalina world or in Katherine’s world, as I call it.

One of the facts that I have marked is the aging. This week, on September 6, I turned 23!

On September 6, 1995, on a rainy day at the maternity hospital in Falticeni, Suceava County, somewhat pregnant, on the name of Georgeta, she gave birth to a girl of 3,200 kg with the 10th grade, Mariana Catalina.

That little girl was me, and I retreat every year the moments of my coming to the world with my mother.

„Cataalinoo, if you just knew … The day I gave birth to you, even now I remember it! At 4am, I give birth to you, said my mother with tears in her eyes gazing at the ground.

The nurses did not even notice me, they were cold and jerks. I felt like I was giving the spirit there in the chair, while other women were giving birth fast and easy.

Starting at 5 o’clock in the evening until 4 o’clock in the morning, I expected you to come into the world. You hit me with your feet and you were agitated, you wanted to come at any price. And I wanted it too, I could not bear the pain anymore.

I cried in hallways, I shouted but in vain. The painkillers were expensive, and so was the goodness of the maternity staff.

In the morning, at about four-thirty you appeared in this mad and agitated world. You were crying but I did not hear, I was deaf to the noise, the pain and those around me, I was just seeing you … ”

There’s no way you can not listen, or not be aware of at times like these. The story of a mother, regardless of dialect or accent remains in your heart, you live with her, especially if it is your own birth.

Now at the brink of my youth, at the age of 23, I feel like I am fulfilled. I have a beautiful family, devoted and loving parents, people who would give anything to see me happy and satisfied. I’ve been able to finalize my studies, and now I’m working in the field I’m studying, Food Engineering.

Now I feel like I’m living in the right path, and in the future things will go well, as they are now. I thank my parents for the good education and wisdom, my husband for patience and affection and all the friends and acquaintances that are with me for the beautiful moments spent together; Thank you for making me bloom all these years and not getting older!

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