Scrisoare catre subconstient

De ce iti este frica, draga subconstient? De ce te temi atat de rau sa fii tu insuti, sa crezi in tine, sa prosperi? Oare nu stii ca tu detii puterea suprema si ca fara tine sunt nimic? De ce tinzi mereu catre negativism si nu vezi si partea pozitiva?

Am incercat zilele acestea sa fac un exercitiu si m-ai surprins, dar nu in bine. Nu puteam credea niciodata ca inauntru poti fi atat de fricos, atat de speriat de schimbare si atat de centrat pe a fi si a deveni un nimic.

De ce vrei ca totul sa se intample dupa cum binevoieste vantul si sa te lasi purtat ca o frunza uscata de vantul rece? Oare nu stii ca tu detii puterea si ca impreuna putem fi de neinvins?

Dar tu, subconstient esti diferit de mine in prezent. Esti o fire timida si ascunsa, care nu are incredere si se clatina la prima amenintare din afara, daca ai putea mi te-ai duce in neant si nu te-ai mai intoarce.

Oare nu stii ca mereu, impreuna am realizat lucruri care numai in vis ni se pareau reale? Mai tii minte cand obisnuiam sa plutim peste realitate si sa imbratisam prezentul ca pe un dar oferit de Dumnezeu?

Sa fiu sincera, nici nu stiu cand mi te-ai schimbat atat de mult, draga subconstient. Ai devenit o latura de-a mea atat de intunecata si inchisa incat uneori imi este greu sa te identific, imi este greu sa te ascult in singuratate.

Se spune ca atragem ceea ce gandim si ca tu, subconstient, ai o putere infinita in a atrage lucrurile spre a deveni realitate. De ce doresti sa imi aduci numai tristete si lucruri negative? De ce vrei sa ne chinuim intr-un viitor sumbru?

Da, am facut greseli si da Dumnezeu stie cat de mult am luptat pana in prezent pentru a ajunge aici. Unele lupte au fost date de Dumnezeu, unele ni le-am creat noi luandu-ne viata in maini.

Uneori adevaratele lupte trebuie duse de Dumnezeu, nu de noi. Si noi, draga subconstient avem de invatat mult din aceasta pilda.

Haide sa nu mai luptam cu morile de vant si sa cerem ghidare de la EL. Haide sa realizam ca nu suntem singuri in aceasta lume rece si ca avem un ajutor nemarginit, tot ceea ce trebuie sa facem este sa credem.

Lucrurile care ne sunt date de SUS sa se intample, ni se vor intampla, cele posibile se vor materializa in timp in functie de ceea ce atragem noi sa se intample. Haide sa nu mai visam la lucruri imposibile deoarece in timp, putem rani sufletul altor persoane din egoismul si dorinta noastra absurda, de moment.

Astazi iti propun sa facem un pact, draga subconstient. Haide sa alegem calea potrivita pentru noi, sa eliminam negativismul si gandurile sumbre, sa privim inspre viitor cu speranta si incredere.

Sa ne propunem idealuri realiste sau chiar nerealiste dar cu scopul de a nu lua niciodata de bun sau sa gandim egoist asupra persoanelor daruite de Dumnezeu in acel moment. Sa avem sufletul pur, si sa gandim cu inima atunci cand luam decizii ce ne-ar putea afecta viata pe termen lung.

Pentru ca doar impreuna putem face o diferenta si ne putem schimba viata si viitorul intr-o secunda. Haide sa fim din nou o echipa si sa lucram impreuna!

(Image Source – Unsplash, Daniel von Appen)

Ganduri lenese de luni

Astazi este din nou, luni. Spun din nou deoarece nu mai stiu cand trece timpul asta, simt ca nu apuc niciodata sa ma bucur pe deplin de momente, sa traiesc zilele care se scurg din calendar.

As mai dormi, m-as mai intinde in pat avand in vedere ca in cateva ore trebuie sa ma pregatesc iar pentru o saptamana nesfarsita de munca cu program incarcat de core hours. Dar nu-mi gasesc starea, simt ca ar trebui sa fac ceva si eu stau.

Asa o stare de neputinta si de nechef imbinata cu o neliniste de mormant nu am mai avut demult, sau chiar niciodata. Consider ca si cei din jurul meu au aceleasi sentimente deoarece ii vad, ii aud cum se freamata si nu isi gasesc locul, ca niste insecte pierdute undeva intr-o primavara timpurie.

Mi-as dori sa ma ridic din pat, sa fiu activa si sa fac o diferenta si astazi. Dar fac asta in fiecare zi, si atunci cand am mai putina dorinta de a realiza ceva parca atunci toate prind sens. Ironic, as spune.

Pisica lenesa, Fifi se intinde mieros pe patura moale si fina iar apoi se asterne din nou intr-un somn lung. Capul ii este asezat pe labute iar nasucul ii este oprit in coada stufoasa. Iar eu, privind-o parca nu m-as ridica din pat ca o pisica lenesa si comoda la randul meu.

E luni din nou si eu parca mi-am pierdut orice urma de chef si de energie, simtind doar nelinistea care ma imbratiseaza precum un sarpe, mult prea strans. Se anunta vreme calda totusi, insa nu as vrea sa ma bucur prea devreme.

In ultima vreme soarele si vremea calda au fost precum o himera, aparand si disparand dupa bunul plac, fara a da de stire cand ajunge sau cand pleaca. Mi-as dori sa ma bucur de razele soarelui si sa ma las mangaiata de adierea calda a vantului, dar e trecator.

Acoper raza de soare ce se iveste din geam cu perdeaua greoaie si neagra si ma asez din nou in pat, motaind si bucurandu-ma de cele cateva minute de somn dulci ramase. Este doar o problema de timp pana cand va suna din nou alarma si va trebui sa dau piept cu ziua de Luni cu ajutorul unei cafele amare.

Dar mai am 30 de minute… .

(Sursa Imaginii – Unsplash, DAVIDCOHEN)

Am I bored or do I want a change?

Lately, I have had this question in mind. Am I bored? Do I want a change or what is happening with me? I do not know if I am tired of the same routine that I have to do in my everyday life but lately I have had this rush of adrenaline, of wanting to get new stuff done.

I don’t want to get too ecstatic and jinx the things saying that it will all go wrong because it is a weird feeling, kind of never had before, but I feel like I have to do something about it.

At a certain point, I guess I got tired of watching Korean Dramas and doing the same things all over again. It became like a lousy routine that I somehow want to exit. I want a change.

The funny thing is that I don’t even get time to do new stuff, I don’t even get time to do get back with my old hobbies, like drawing, singing or even to write on this WordPress Platform.

I have been so busy at work and it seemed like everybody wanted my help in some sort of way and I had to be all over the places. To be honest, I felt exhausted and this week tiredness accumulated and I just wanted to escape.

I don’t know if I am afraid of the „NEW” or if I am seeking excuses and trying to run away. Somehow is weird because I am the one challenging new stuff to happen, I may be too tired of this blurry present that I am in.

All I know is that I want a change, and if God will want that to happen for me I will embrace it with hands wide open. If the destiny will allow it.

Tomorrow is a new day with new challenges ahead, as I am, again working on my weekend. Maybe new things will happen and change will be inevitable.

(Image Source – Ankhesenamun 96, Unsplash)

My acne story, advises and experience

Hello, my dear readers! So, as you might know from the previous posts I have suffered in the past of acne, it is a genetic issue, as my mother had skin problems as well in her early years.

I dealt with acne for most of my early years in college and high school, and at some point, I have to recognize I got used to my condition and tried to find better ways to simply fight through the pain.

As you might think it was not easy, especially at the beginning of the journey when it all started at 13 years old. The bullying, the looks and the strange feelings I had at that time were just unfair and depressing.

It’s been 11 years since all the incidents happened and to be frank, I like to believe I left them behind. I learned that having acne is not necessarily a disease but a condition that affects your whole being, not only the skin affected but the mind and heart as well.

Advises and lessons from my acne journey

You only You only have to not let it get to you so far, to take it as a lesson if you want, take what is best from it and simply move on. If you suffer from acne, as I did in the past you might say that I am wrong or that I am talking nonsense. That is not true, and you know it deep inside.

Yes, the world is harsh and judgmental, yes they do smile in your face and speak behind your back, yes people tend to hurt you at times, but that’s simply how life it is.

The first thing that you have to do in curing the acne problems is healing your mind. The negative thoughts and depression will not get you anywhere, if not worsen the situation. You have to get your shit together, be strong and simply ignore the gibberish people speak.

They don’t know you, they have no idea what you have been through and they don’t care. They simply find a subject that is amusing to them and keep syncing the knife into the wound, like a bad comedian in their shitty play.

So, how about you don’t care about them either? Focus on your mind, study more, investigate more about acne and ways that could get you healed in time. The time they lose in speaking nonsense about you will be the time you enhance your mind and find better ways of being yourself.

Think that your condition is only temporary and will heal in time, but the mean people will stay forever, and become more and more bitter in time, like a bottle of bad wine.

I remember from my condition that strangers used to stop me on the street, give me the advice to follow regarding my condition and find ways to comfort me. If you were me at that time you would probably hate them and wish to disappear.

And yes, to answer their questions a long time after that happened I have tried it all. Medicines, injections, pills, creams, face masks, face serums, oils, diets, and much other stuff together.

Only you know the struggle and sometimes and being a storyteller in front of an anonymous person is not the best answer to feeling better. It’s like you can see in their eyes the pity and the disgrace they feel for you, it’s horrible.

The fact that your loved ones try to care and protect you by treating the matter as if it is not something serious, it’s even worse. It’s like making a huge mess around the house and covering it with a newspaper. Like that’s going to solve anything!

Time brings you peace and healthiness

No matter how inpatient I used to be in my early years, no matter how hard I have tried to fasten up the process of skin healing that did not happen. People take time to heal, and so did I.

After a ton of money spent at the doctors, treatments, diets and numerous attempts to heal the skin, it finally happened. In time my bad breakouts stopped and my face returned to the way it used to be, step by step.

I learned that I have to be very careful at what I eat, at what products I am using for my sensitive skin and that I have to exercise, drink plenty of water and take good care of myself.

God gave me this cross to bear since childhood and I had to wear it on my shoulders until the end. I am not angry or mad at Him for what I have been through because I like the way I am.

Maybe if my skin was perfect I was full of misery on the inside, treating people badly and taking them for granted. I would not have been happy with myself.

When I see people like I used to be in the past, I don’t act like a bad comedian or give pieces of advice. I am aware of one’s struggle and understand the grief inside. I simply look them in the eyes and smile sincerely, wishing a great day.

A random act of kindness can be done without any money or expensive presents, just being true and kind can bring a whole lot of joy.

I am learning every day new tricks and remedies and have to recognize that by every day that passes my skin gets better and I feel happy and content with myself.

So, at the end of this very long post of mine, I want to address this post to people who have been through what I have been, to people who know and understand the feeling of being affected by acne.

Wherever you are, whatever struggle you are going through, you are not alone and somewhere, in this big world, there is a person that understands you and would kindly embrace you and tell you that you are perfect, just the way you are.

With love, Kate.

Image Source – Unsplash

First post of 2020

Good morning, dear readers! Or rather, a happy new year, now that we have spent the first hours of the new year. 2020 has arrived quickly in my case, without too much fuss or preparation.

After a few days of visits to parents, relatives and acquaintances, events and cooking and cleaning sessions at home I can honestly declare that I feel tired. Especially since I started work on Monday, which adds to the fatigue and stress.

I managed to fall asleep a few minutes before the new year, at 10:40 PM overwhelmed by too many tasks and a terrible cold. However, my loved ones woke me up exactly a few minutes before the new year.

If in 2019 I had many questions and I was lost in thoughts and situations, 2020 is different, more secure. I started the new year with thoughts of peace. I have a beautiful family, ready to help at every moment, people who love me and a decent job.

I just wish that the year 2020 will be half as good as it was the previous year. Although 2019 has been tougher and more difficult, I can admit that I managed to develop and learn things that I didn’t even dream of.

Conclusions

The year 2020 is ahead of us and we are waiting to write another new chapter in our lives, and the best way to do this is by setting goals.

Time is limited and it does not make sense to waste it with insignificant details from other people’s lives. It is not necessary to pay so much attention to the malicious comments of those around us, lowering our courage and advantage. It is important to find the power to follow our heart and intuition by accomplishing what we aim for.

And if the year 2019 has been a difficult year, let us think that each end has a different beginning, in a continuous cycle. We still have 365 days to face our fears and overcome our disabilities, becoming a better version of us.

Changes are a part of this life, sometimes we have pain, sometimes beautiful things. Often life surprises us and we have both at the same time.

Change can bring fear, but the most frightening thing can be to let fear stop us from growing, evolving and progressing.

And if we make mistakes along the way, that’s fine. Because through mistakes we learn new things, trying new possibilities, working hard and practically changing ourselves and the world that we live in. We do new things, and more importantly we do something that matters.

New experiences and developments will await us in 2020. Let’s enjoy the blessings of the past and accept the promise of the future.

Happy New Year!

(Image Source – Unsplash)

Prima postare din 2020

Buna dimineata, dragi cititori! Sau mai bine zis, un an nou fericit, acum ca am pasit in primele ore ale noului an. 2020 a sosit rapid in cazul meu, fara prea multe menajamente sau pregatiri pompoase.

Dupa cateva zile de vizite la parinti, rude si cunostinte, evenimente si sesiuni de gatit si curatenie in camin pot declara sincer ca ma simt obosita. In special datorita faptului ca am inceput serviciul de luni, ceea ce aduce un plus de oboseala si stres.

Am reusit sa adorm cu cateva minute inainte de noul an, la 10:40 covarsita de prea multe taskuri si o raceala cumplita. Cu toate acestea, cei dragi m-au trezit exact cu cateva minute inainte de noul an.

Daca in 2019 aveam multe intrebari si eram pierduta in ganduri si situatii agasante, 2020 este diferit, mai sigur. Am inceput noul an multumita si cu gandul impacat. Am o familie frumoasa si gata sa sara in ajutor in fiecare moment, oameni care ma iubesc si o slujba decenta.

Imi doresc doar ca anul 2020 sa fie pe jumatate la fel de bun pe cat a fost anul precedent. Desi 2019 a fost mai dur si dificil, pot admite ca am reusit sa ma dezvolt si sa invat lucruri la care nici macar nu visam.

Concluzii

Anul 2020 sta inaintea noastra si asteapta sa scriem un alt nou capitol din viata, iar cea mai buna modalitate de a face asta este prin a ne seta obiective.

Timpul este limitat si nu are sens sa il irosim cu detalii nesemnificative din viata altor persoane. Nu este necesar sa dam atat de multa atentie comentariilor rautacioase a celor din jur, coborandu-ne curajul si avantul. Important este sa ne gasim puterea sa ne urmam inima si intuitia realizand ceea ce ne propunem.

Si daca anul 2019 a fost un an dificil, sa ne gandim ca fiecare sfarsit are un alt inceput, intr-un ciclu continuu. Avem timp inca 365 de zile sa confruntam fricile si sa ne depasim incapabilitatile, devenind o mai buna versiune a noastra.

Schimbarile sunt o parte din aceasta viata, cateodata avem parte de durere, cateodata de lucruri frumoase. Uneori viata ne surprinde si avem parte de ambele in acelasi timp.

Schimbarea poate aduce frica, insa cel mai de speriat lucru poate fi faptul ca lasam frica sa ne opreasca din a creste, evolua si progresa.

Si daca vom face greseli pe parcurs, este in regula. Pentru ca prin intermediul greselilor invatam lucruri noi, incercand noi posibilitati, muncind din greu si practic schimbandu-ne pe noi si lumea in care traim. Facem lucruri noi, si mai important facem ceva ce conteaza.

Noi experiente si intamplari ne vor astepta in 2020. Haideti sa ne bucuram de binecuvantarile trecutului si sa acceptam promisiunea viitorului.

La multi ani!

(Sursa Imaginii – Unsplash)

Ganduri gri la pas de seara

Suntem muritori, si avem idei si dorinte, visuri infiripate de demult si ganduri mari, poate ca mai mari decat putem atinge uneori in fiinta noastra firava de oameni fara putere.

Mai urat este atunci cand cineva anume iti da aripi si te porneste pe carari necunoscute, sadindu-ti in suflet dorinta si apoi lasandu-te in aer, fara vreo speranta. Exact ca unui copil caruia i-ai oferit un dulce si l-ai luat imediat, rapindu-i bucuria si emotia din privire.

Recent mi s-a adus in vedere de catre o persoana duhovniceasca faptul ca daca un lucru nu este menit sa ni se intample, nu ni se va intampla. Nu are sens sa ne dorim lucruri ce nu ne sunt destinate, si doar daca Dumnezeu va dori ca noi sa atingem acel lucru dorit, atunci asa se va intampla.

Ironic este ca inca imi suna in cap versurile melodiei: Daca vrei sa-l faci pe Dumnezeu sa rada spune-I despre planurile tale.

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Dar atunci totusi, de ce s-a pornit valvataia de la inceput, ce rost au avut toate insistentele si promisiunile daca se stia ca nu va fi asa pana la final… .

Intrebari au fost multe dar in timp, raspunsurile s-au aratat fara a fi cerute specific macar. Iti e usor sa citesti in ochii goi ai persoanelor menite sa fie parte din grupul tau, in zambetul sagalnic si fatarnic, in comentariile acide din spatele tau de indata ce te intorci.

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La finalul zilei, trebuie sa realizam ca fiecare etapa din aceasta viata scurta are scopul ei si pana si rautatile, comportamentele ipocrite si lucrurile inexplicabile pe moment isi au rostul, contribuind la dezvoltarea sinelui si a procesului de maturizare.

Iar daca acel lucru dorit nu s-a implinit atunci nu a fost sa fie, pur si simplu. Nu iti pacali inima si mintea cu lucruri nerealizabile pana nu sunt palpabile si reale, adevarate in fata ta. Tu doar pastreaza-ti firea si fii tu pana la sfarsit, sincer cu tine si ceilalti.

(Sursa Imaginii – Unsplash)