Hope in the dark

This week flew by like it was a dream. Another nightmare that sent me on a chaotic roller coaster and then held me back breathless. Even though it is Sunday and a new week of work awaits me in a few hours, I feel tempted to write again.

I believe I’ve become used to always rushing to complete tasks. Hurry to get out of bed in the morning, hurry to do some chores and get to work, hurry to respond to as many customers as possible in a timely, accurate, and courteous manner, hurry to take care of house chores, and then go back to sleep to begin another day.

When I realize this is happening, I try to take it gently and one task at a time, but the workaholic in me comes out and I end up doing more than I planned. Of course, I end the day drained, exhausted, with no appetite, and a mountain of negative thoughts.

I feel as if I’ve lost interest in performing these things because they keep repeating themselves in slow motion, and just when I believe they’re beginning to improve, I’m taught a new lesson. Furthermore, in my haste to always be on time, to be the perfect employee, partner, daughter, and friend, I lose sight of myself along the way.

I believe I’ve just gotten used to looking after myself while helping others. For example, buying the right clothing for someone else and realizing I bought the incorrect size for myself, staying up late cooking, and waking up early to do housework. Or always completing the partner’s tasks and being understanding while he takes care of his work and studies, ensuring that he always has solid advice and steering him in the proper direction.

When I do get to take care of myself, I frequently feel bad about it. Guilty because I took the time to exercise or go out, but didn’t do any housework. Guilty because I wanted to leave an hour sooner, even though I covered that hour and one additional. I’m guilty of spending my salary on things I actually enjoy because I need to feel rewarded, and the list goes on.

You are enough

I just think we end up giving too much, and others around us become accustomed to our methods, so when we withdraw our energy for our own benefit, they are offended and make us feel uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making good acts and giving my all, desiring to be everything for others around me, but being kind to ourselves should be a habit that is constantly recognized.

Toxic situations and individuals are ubiquitous, and at the end of the day, it’s important to set boundaries and communicate who you actually are and what you want from them if they want to stay around. Get your sleep in order, exercise, eat correctly and know when to say yes and when to say no.

It’s time to accept that certain people are only in your life for a season, and while they’ve been lovely and brought fantastic memories if their toxicity levels don’t drop, you shouldn’t kill yourself to be the ideal person that they need in their life. Maybe you aren’t, and that’s alright as long as you recognize it and begin to love yourself for who you are, investing the time and energy you do in others. 

In certain situations, whether they like it or not, we’ve outgrown the people around us. Don’t force yourself to be someone you’re not merely to please others. Be selective and assert your rights; those who stay are valuable, and those who leave weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.

Close your eyes now and ask yourself what you actually want for yourself and your future; is this what you expect from yourself? Are you pursuing your wildest dreams, doing what you love, and taking risks? or are you overburdened with responsibilities and negative behaviors? Remember that life is short and that there is no time for remorse.

2 gânduri despre “Hope in the dark

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