The dictionary describes resistance as the ability to not be affected by something, particularly negatively. But how can you cope with things when they’ve changed by 100 degrees and the only way out is so far away?

I was so easily deceived, having hope and doing my best, giving my all, and hoping to persevere. I went over my past work today and relived the early emotions, the excitement to begin anew. I was so eager to learn more that I put up with the unpleasant moments of not being understood or listened to.

A complete emotional roller coaster that dragged me from the highest peaks and most wonderful dreams to the darkest nightmare while everything around me is crumbling. I feel like I’ve lost everything. Since my plans were canceled, I have exhausted all motivation and desire to accomplish things. I can’t seem to enjoy any activity or be pleased with anything.

I’m honestly tired of it. I’m tired of having to please others while I’m not satisfied on the inside. I’m tired of apologizing for mistakes made by the system, not by me. Tired of dealing with misinformation and a general lack of cooperation between parties. I’m tired of having to change shifts and disrupt my sleep routine and life in general. Tired of dealing with difficult people and only receiving negative feedback.

Why do I have to be the first to recognize other people’s efforts and constantly remember people’s birthdays and undertake duties in place of others? Why do I have to apologize all the time? How can I be wrong when everyone else is unjust and too arrogant for this world, too entitled to accept their errors, and too proud to apologize?

I don’t have the same positive energy to wish that everything would be OK and that I will be happy again. I understand that there are times in life when we must confront difficulties, but this feels like a dagger that continues prodding an open wound. At the end of the day, I suppose if I bleed too much, I will be strong enough in spirit to resist this new blurry future ahead.

5 gânduri despre “Resistance

  1. Hey Kate this is a very powerful and well done posting and my God so candid and genuine emotion here that reaches into my heart! I feel for you and don’t like that you are so troubled and perplexed!

    Listen I have dinner to go eat but I’m going to think about this and maybe if I come up with some strong ideas for you, we can touch base on i more, OK? And for now think about the Flight of the Phoenix and how sometimes things come crashing down but what rises out of the ashes is beautiful and better than what had crashed!

    Believe me I have crashed several times and then the worst ones when I was getting older and I figured I had gotten all that out of the way early on! It’s all relative, and getting the whole thing into the right perspective is required!

    So pray and meditate on it and I will too; then you never can tell!
    God bless you! 😊 🙏✝️ 🙏 ❤

      • No problem Katherine and you’re very welcome.
        You’re right it will pass! And remember when a door closes another opens. You have plenty of good ahead of you. Hang in here.
        Thank you and you have a great weekend too!

  2. Multa lume gandeste ca tine. Nu esti singura, lumea aceasta ne-a adus pe majoritatea in aceeasi stare… Capul sus si, ca pe vremuri, tot inainte! Tu imi oferi engleza aici, eu, versurile poetului spaniol Antonio Machado: Calatorule, nu exista drum! Pasii tai il croiesc… (Traducere libera, in clipa asta, din memorie). Cauta pe youtube Caminante, no hay camino cu Juan Manuel Serrat, sa auzi cum suna originalul, in cantec…

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