Questions, questions

I have been told once by a person that I used to like that I don’t know what I want, and that I tend to hover a lot about powerful decisions. I guess that his acknowledgment got me off guard at that time, and accepted it as a truth.

I am only 24 at this moment, but things started making sense, and I got to have my own opinions about what I think, about the world and myself. I am not perfect, I got my big life full of messy things, and I continue making mistakes and learning from them.

I never actually knew what I wanted from life, truthfully speaking. I only learned as I went, stepping on shards of glass and at times, found my comfort zone on a fluffy carpet.

Life has thrown me out into circumstances that I did not realize I could go through, I laughed at the danger, trusted unworthy people, smiled when life got critical and said thank you to enemies.

One normal person could say that I am crazy and maybe, way too naive for this mean world, but hey, that’s just me. I don’t know for how long I can keep the spark of goodness within me, but I know that I still want to be kind, when everybody else is yelling and swearing around me.

If I don’t always have answers to life’s biggest questions, it’s okay. Nobody really knows anything, we discover as we go. Clues and hints are present at all steps if we have faith and believe in ourselves.

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At the end of the day, you need to take some for yourself while sipping that hot cup of tea, and understand that you only need to live for now, without worrying about what you want, but what makes you happy. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

(Image Source – Unsplash, Kira auf der Heide)

Rain and the early autumn

Working at home does offer a good experience to get in touch with my environment and feel at peace. It gets lonelier at times, but I get to know myself, and I have time to reflect upon my thoughts and make better decisions. Especially when the weather changes.

These days rained a lot, and the temperature decreased. Honestly, I loved the cold breeze and the fast droplets of rain stumbling through the windows at the first hours of dawn. It was like a breath of fresh air after the summer drowsiness.

In the morning, I would open wide the windows and doors, letting the purified, cold air to enter the apartment while enjoying a cup of hot coffee covered in a soft blanket. I felt like I invited the early autumn into my home, but it never felt so good.

Autumn senses

I got mesmerized by the sunrise and sunset, altogether. I would get lost in the clouds while watching them, dancing through the ruffled sky. Ironically, I was always fascinated by the clouds.

In September during school, after finishing my tests and paperwork, I would stare at the blue autumn sky. The teachers used to blame me for not paying attention to their classes and tried to keep me focused. I guess I was a dreamy girl that loved the clouds, correction, still am.

I can’t feel guilty for such an innocent pleasure, loving the clouds and the early autumn rain. The white noise that covers everything, which is like silence but not empty. The cold shivers that makes your skin tremble and wake up to your senses.

In the end…

In life it’s important to not fear the rain, hiding through an umbrella at all times. You need to let the rain kiss you, beat upon your head with silver liquid drops, to sing you a lullaby.

And if you get wet and muddy through the process, remember to look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

(Image Source – Unsplash, eberhard grossgasteiger)

Life trails

Since our childhood, we are educated and advised to avoid certain items in our lives, simply because it is bad. Curious beings as we are, we always tend to hesitate and choose the forbidden way, even if it’s immoral.

We start with desserts, we are advised not to eat much and therefore we should stay away from carbs because it’s the best way, we should listen. But if we don’t, what happens?

We are all familiar with the reaction, and are punished and argued all the way through to the end because we have chosen the wrong approach. And we still do it, because we are curious and attracted to the new things that we haven’t experienced yet.

Hence, we risk indigestion, if we consume a lot of desserts. It’s known and felt by our organs. We don’t need anyone else to tell us that is bad because now we know why is good to stay away from it and eat less.

Life trails

This life is so full of fantastic things to discover and choose from, that impossible to stay away from everything. As we grow up, we get an attitude and learn to stand up for our decisions, even if they are not the greatest ones, because we think we know better.

Our parents may get tired in time and don’t have enough energy and strength to take every step with us, on this long journey of life. At some point, we arrive at a crossroads and we have to decide our next trace.

Ironically, we think that our minds are mature, that we learned everything that was to be known, and go blindfolded on the road that has the most pits and challenges. We think that this is our life and we must bear our cross, tending to forget that Jesus already did that for us.

This is how we move through life, by not knowing and confronting challenges all the time, thinking that we know everything that is to be known and then we fall again and have to start from the beginning; Stepping on burned charcoal with excitement only to suffer the burns caused after.

Life lessons

If we have mistaken our path and chosen the incorrect trail, don’t worry. Mistakes have the power to turn us into something better than we were before.

If this time we haven’t made it right, then don’t worry, we have only a thousand chances to make it as we dream, next time. Don’t be startled by the mountain ahead, the struggles that we are facing, and the chances that we are taking. The battle has just begun and we are only moving forward with faith and perseverance.

It’s important to acknowledge that God doesn’t bring us lessons to close our hearts. He brings us lessons to open them, by developing compassion, learning to listen, seeking to understand instead of speculating, practicing empathy and developing conflict resolution through communication.

If he brought us perfect people, how would we ever learn to spiritually evolve?

Rain droplets

“I looked out the window at the black clouds ahead of us. I opened the back window and smelled the rain. You could smell the rain in the desert even before a drop fell. I closed my eyes.

I held my hand out and felt the first drop. It was like a kiss. The sky was kissing me. It was a nice thought. It was something Dante would have thought. I felt another drop and then another. A kiss. A kiss. And then another kiss.”

― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

The spark within

Hello, dear writers and readers! How have you been?

Needless to say, as always, I get caught up in the middle, performing the tasks that require more attention, and leave myself and my passions at the end of the list, blogging being the main passion. Focusing on other duties, paying more attention to chores, and being assertive.

I realized this week that I do this often, neglecting the passions that lead me in the first place there. I get so cramped up with work, house chores, and family that I tend to forget about myself.

I got used to the routine, waking up early in the morning, performing house chores, going to work, cooking, finishing the rest of the chores. If I get time, I exercise and eat, then fall asleep at the beginning of a movie, and the day is over before I know it. 

I blink, and it’s morning, I’ve got to start it all over again, like a robotic system, operating the same steps every day, even though I feel exhausted, even though at times I appear to crumble due to fatigue, because the show must go on.

Reminders

Often, we fail to realize that the show can’t go on without ourselves, without our strength and happiness. We can’t just go through life, merely out of duty, through carrying out job assignments and chores. 

If we continue along this path, we may end up being old, wrinkled, tired, and grumpy, unhappy with everything we have achieved so far. Perhaps because we weren’t completely there, we didn’t fulfill the need of our heart, but what was right according to the social needs and the people. 

My question is, how many times have we embraced today’s society’s truth and „must-do” without questioning ourselves: Do I really want this? Was this the right track? Might this make me happy? 

The answer is, we give up on our rights more than 90 percent of the time because it was the best thing to do and the simplest direction to take then. For our loved ones and for a better future, we made compromises. 

Then, we woke up in time, realizing that maybe we could have chosen a different way, and that we should have not have given up at our passions and pleasant moments. At our spark.

If we want to be happy we need to care about ourselves, about our opinions and what we really want. Truth is, opportunities don’t knock at our door twice, we have to make the best decisions in time, or else, we will end up learning another lesson.

Passion. Confidence. Gratitude. The possibility of making a positive change in the world. It’s the sort of „spark” one gets the moment they decide to go after what they want, really fight for it, work hard, and not give up.

That’s what we need to have and never lose.