Song of the day #124

Quarantine. Day N.

I don’t even know what day it is, nor do I remember the notion of time, if time could be measured in this quarantine. Moments only matter when I work, but I recently dared to ask for a few days off. I felt the need to disconnect.

I missed the blog for two and a half weeks now. Don’t ask me for an excuse, because I don’t know how to answer you. I also wondered why I distanced myself from the blog and myself, from my thoughts. I found answers but none seemed plausible enough.

I became comfortable with work from home and I got bored of repeating the same things over and over again, one after the other in a monotonous rhythm. Somewhere, in all this time, I lost hope and the desire to live a busy life, wanting to be connected from the world around me.

Blamed the many hours that I spend in front of the screen, and it seemed pathetic because I have been doing this for too long. Then the justification that I immersed in cleaning and cooking because Easter arrived but then passed again is not a good reason either.

Because nothing is good enough now. Nothing is normal. Nothing makes sense.

Easter 2020 in quarantine

I spent this Easter at home, in isolation, away from family and loved ones differently than I used to. But hey, we heard each other on the phone and we could feel the trembling in the voice, the frustration in the tone and the despair in the volume of the speech. If that makes any difference.

I went out the window and listened to the resurrection service through the speakers, saw the helpless glances of other neighbors from the side window, and then sank in silence.

I have watched the news in the media as the world makes a scandal because the rules should be respected according to the political ordinances. As evidence, police officers were attacked with stones and assaulted by people. Ignorance, indifference and lack of common sense appear to rule nowadays.

Then I rested, ate and watched TV series, like everyone else. Yesterday I decided to be strong and start exercising for two hours. Today I caught a cold again, symptoms of a cold (I hope it’s not Corona).

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Today, I decided, with the few remaining powers to start writing again on the blog. I do not have much energy from this cold that has returned to haunt me and I will ask you to be gentle.

How are you feeling? All is well?

(Image Source, Unsplash, Dawid Zawiła)

Carantina. Ziua N.

Nici nu mai stiu ce zi este, nici nu mai retin notiunea timpului, daca timpul s-ar putea masura in aceasta carantina. Clipele conteaza doar atunci cand lucrez, insa am avut recent indraznirea de a-mi cere cateva zile de concediu. Simteam nevoia de o deconectare.

Am lipsit doua saptamani jumatate de pe blog. Nu imi cereti un motiv, ca nu stiu sa va raspund. M-am intrebat si eu de ce m-am distantat de blog si de mine, de gandurile mele. Am gasit raspunsuri dar parca nici unul nu a parut destul de plauzibil.

Faptul ca am devenit comoda cu munca de acasa si m-am plictisit sa repet non-stop aceleasi chestii, una dupa alta intr-un ritm monoton. Pe undeva, in tot acest timp, mi-am pierdut speranta si dorinta de a trai o viata ocupata, dorindu-mi sa fiu conectata la lumea din jurul meu.

Scuza ca petrec mult prea multe ore in fata ecranului, mi s-a parut patetica deoarece fac asta de prea mult timp. Apoi, justificarea ca m-am afundat in curatenie si gatit pentru ca a sosit Pastele dar apoi a trecut, din nou, nu este un motiv bun.

Pentru ca nimic nu e destul de bun acum. Nimic nu e normal. Nimic nu are sens.

Pastele anului 2020 in carantina

Acest Paste l-am petrecut acasa, in izolare, departe de familie si de cei dragi in mod diferit de cum o faceam pana acum. Dar hey, ne-am auzit prin telefon si am putut sa ne simtim tremuratul din voce, frustrarea din ton si disperarea din volumul glasului. If that makes any difference.

Am iesit la geam si am ascultat slujba de inviere prin boxe, am vazut privirile neajutorate ale altor vecini de la geamul alaturat, si mai apoi m-am afundat in tacere.

Am privit la stirile tampite din media cum lumea face scandal pentru ca ar trebui ca regulile sa se respecte conform ordonantelor politice. Drept dovada, politistii au fost atacati cu pietre si agresati de catre oameni. Ignoranta, nepasare si lipsa de bun simt.

Apoi m-am odihnit, am mancat si am privit la seriale, ca toata lumea de altfel. Ieri m-am decis sa fiu puternica si sa ma apuc de exercitii fizice pentru doua ore. Astazi aparent am racit din nou, simptome de raceala puternica (sa nu zic totusi, Corona).

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Astazi, m-am decis, cu cele cateva puteri ramase sa reincep sa scriu din nou pe blog. Nu am prea multa energie de la aceasta raceala ce s-a reintors pentru a nu stiu cata oara si o sa va rog sa fiti blanzi cu mine.

Voi cum va mai simtiti? Totul e bine?

(Image Source – Unsplash,
Dawid Zawiła)