Lazy Monday Thoughts

Today is again, Monday. I say again because I do not know when this time passes, I feel that I can never fully enjoy the moments, to live the days that run out of the calendar.

I would sleep more, I would lie in bed, considering that in a few hours I have to prepare again for an endless week of work with a program loaded with core hours. But I cannot find my condition, I feel that I should do something and I stay instead.

Such a state of helplessness and lack of desire combined with an uneasiness of a tomb I have not had in a long time, or even ever. I think that those around me have the same feelings because I see them, I hear them shudder and they do not find their place, like insects lost somewhere in an early spring.

I would like to get out of bed, be active and make a difference today. But I do this every day, and when I have less desire to achieve something, then it all makes sense. Ironically, I would say.

Lazy cat, Fifi spreads softly on the soft and fine blanket and then rests again in a long sleep. His head is placed on his toes and his nose is stopped in the bushy tail. And I find myself looking at him as if I didn’t want to get out of bed like a lazy and comfortable cat in my turn.

It is months again and I seem to have lost all trace of desire and energy, feeling only the anxiety that embraces me like a snake, too tight. It’s hot weather though, but I wouldn’t want to enjoy it too early.

Lately, the sun and the hot weather have been like a chimera, appearing and disappearing at is will, without notifying when it arrives or when it leaves. I wish I could enjoy the sun’s rays and let myself be soothed by the warm expression of the wind, but it’s in a constant change.

I cover the sunbeam that emerges from the window with the heavy black curtain and I sit again in bed, moaning and enjoying the few minutes of sweet sleep remaining. It is only a matter of time until the alarm sounds again and I have to deal with Monday with the help of a bitter coffee.

But I still have 30 minutes… .

(Image Source – Unsplash, DAVIDCOHEN)

Ganduri lenese de luni

Astazi este din nou, luni. Spun din nou deoarece nu mai stiu cand trece timpul asta, simt ca nu apuc niciodata sa ma bucur pe deplin de momente, sa traiesc zilele care se scurg din calendar.

As mai dormi, m-as mai intinde in pat avand in vedere ca in cateva ore trebuie sa ma pregatesc iar pentru o saptamana nesfarsita de munca cu program incarcat de core hours. Dar nu-mi gasesc starea, simt ca ar trebui sa fac ceva si eu stau.

Asa o stare de neputinta si de nechef imbinata cu o neliniste de mormant nu am mai avut demult, sau chiar niciodata. Consider ca si cei din jurul meu au aceleasi sentimente deoarece ii vad, ii aud cum se freamata si nu isi gasesc locul, ca niste insecte pierdute undeva intr-o primavara timpurie.

Mi-as dori sa ma ridic din pat, sa fiu activa si sa fac o diferenta si astazi. Dar fac asta in fiecare zi, si atunci cand am mai putina dorinta de a realiza ceva parca atunci toate prind sens. Ironic, as spune.

Pisica lenesa, Fifi se intinde mieros pe patura moale si fina iar apoi se asterne din nou intr-un somn lung. Capul ii este asezat pe labute iar nasucul ii este oprit in coada stufoasa. Iar eu, privind-o parca nu m-as ridica din pat ca o pisica lenesa si comoda la randul meu.

E luni din nou si eu parca mi-am pierdut orice urma de chef si de energie, simtind doar nelinistea care ma imbratiseaza precum un sarpe, mult prea strans. Se anunta vreme calda totusi, insa nu as vrea sa ma bucur prea devreme.

In ultima vreme soarele si vremea calda au fost precum o himera, aparand si disparand dupa bunul plac, fara a da de stire cand ajunge sau cand pleaca. Mi-as dori sa ma bucur de razele soarelui si sa ma las mangaiata de adierea calda a vantului, dar e trecator.

Acoper raza de soare ce se iveste din geam cu perdeaua greoaie si neagra si ma asez din nou in pat, motaind si bucurandu-ma de cele cateva minute de somn dulci ramase. Este doar o problema de timp pana cand va suna din nou alarma si va trebui sa dau piept cu ziua de Luni cu ajutorul unei cafele amare.

Dar mai am 30 de minute… .

(Sursa Imaginii – Unsplash, DAVIDCOHEN)