It’s again Thursday. I just wish that time could be more gentle and make me feel every moment of this harsh life more tenderly. But life is not gentle, at least not in the very present.
Hours pass by, minutes and second seem like they don’t even exist, and days just disappear without even getting to realize what happens and when. All I get is the sad, bitter taste of the memory that once, something happened.
Why am I here, what did I do to deserve this sort of treatment? Why am I trying so hard but nothing seems to count or matter to anyone?….
How do you know when to feel the right feeling, how do you know what to speak with the „right” persons, what you need to not be judged so harshly?
Always trying too hard to do the right thing, to see the positive results and the smiles on the people’s faces. But the results are not even there because the process is not clear, the tasks are confusing and the smiles are not even true, hiding secrets behind.
So many questions hover in my mind and I just wish that I was not there at the moment, not to feel those stupid uncomfortable sensations that made my heart just drown in the deep.
As I am walking home, I can feel the wind whistling sad songs, crossing through my hair and embracing me with all its power. I find it hard to understand if he is trying to comfort me or to do even worse.
The low temperature in the air is making my short breaths struggle, pulling white clouds outside the mouth, for what seems like forever. Breath after breath, getting closer to home to the ones I love or used to love.
Everything is so confusing and I don’t even know what I feel or what I am anymore. My body seems to fail, the muscles hurt, the arms become numb and the soul just cries inside.
The way home is clear now and I am almost there. But I don’t feel like me, I don’t feel like talking or like even being present as my energy is drained. I wish I could go and hide in a corner, just me and my broken heart.
But tomorrow is Friday and maybe, just maybe I will find the answers and get along with my life, bearing my heavy cross until the very end. Hopefully, maturity will kick in and I will be better at hiding my true nature and becoming a fake version of myself, just like everybody else.
(Image Source – Unsplash)