Unhappy, bitter 24

Yesterday it was my birthday, Yeah I managed to arrive at the age of 24. You might probably guess from the previous posts that it is not a happy birthday, not even in a half.

It was such a special day and somehow did not really enjoyed it fully. There was always in my life a birthday that was not so great but none like this one.

I am still on my way of healing the wounds that the past brought not so long ago. I feel like every day is a new challenge in trying to forget what happened and simply move on. All I do is try to submerge with the daily routine and get busy, so busy that I can forget about myself, sorrow and sadness.

I am lucky though to have good colleagues, family members and great persons around that somehow make me feel good for the moment. It’s always smiles and laughter with them, but deep down the soul is still crying.

I often try to go from work to home by walking, listening to slow music and try to get some alone time before having to again, pretend that nothing happened. The numb pain and cramps still remember me of the storm that I had to overcome.

I went away from partying and having to enjoy myself because I don’t think that I am fully healed and neither my body is. I just want to continue life in my fast rhythm, and slowly but sure move on.

I am not exactly sure what mistake I did in this life to have to go through this sad experience. I just hope that God sees my soul and understands my choices, giving me the opportunity to be forgiven for whatever mistake I did in the past. And also that the baby will be protected by his grace, in heaven.

I received some comments recently related to the fact that I only post in English, and do not provide at least a translation for Romanian native language. To be honest, I don’t like to write about my sorrow in my own language.

I am only writing in here to cleanse my soul, and the persons who will visit my site, will  understand. I am writing for myself first, and then for the persons who like me struggle in this life full of ups and downs.

Now at 24 I have only a small request for God. I don’t want presents, gifts or anything material… . I just wish that until next year, at 25 I could be happy, living a different life and be forgiven for whatever caused to happen this sad reality.


(Image Source – Unsplash)