O noua eu/ A new me

O durere de cap m-a intampinat inca de cand am deschis ochii.

In ultima vreme a devenit o obisnuinta sa ma trezesc cu dureri, sa fug in graba catre serviciu si alte activitati.

Am uitat cine sunt… am uitat ce dorinte am. Am uitat ca sunt un simplu om, care pe langa job si familie mai exista. Hobby-uri? Pe cand? Abia am timp sa imi fac datoria de angajat si sotie.

Pe scurt, am devenit un robotel care munceste, ah si care mai este si bolnav. Luna aceasta mi-a fost si rau, cred ca de la stres si iritabilitate.

De foarte multe ori am vrut sa mai revin aici, pe blog. Imi era un dor imens de scris, de asternut gandurile in spatiul virtual, in lumea mea.

Parca mi se pare si ciudat. In urma cu cateva luni eram alta persoana, una vesela, zambitoare, mi se putea citi speranta in ochi. Eram incantata de fiecare raza de soare, icneam de bucurie la aparitia unei persoane dragi… eram eu.

Acum nu mai este asa. Acea Catalina se pierde incet, incet in defavoarea unei alte Cataline. O Catalina rece, tacuta si supusa. O Catalina care nu mai accepta mici scuze si reprosuri, o alta persoana care se inchide usor, usor in ea. O Catalina mult prea serioasa si mult prea „satula” de lumea din afara.

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(Sursa Unsplash)

In prezent, am alte gusturi, alte idei si conceptii. Nici nu stiu cand mi le-am dezvoltat si sincera sa fiu, ma irita aceasta schimbare pentru ca nu ma caracterizeaza, nu sunt eu.

Dar lumea e rece si rea, si pentru a-i putea tine piept trebuie sa iti iei pe tine o piele mai dura. Trebuie sa stii sa te comporti si sa lupti, pentru ca viata e un adevarat razboi, iar tu, daca vrei sa supravietuiesti este necesar sa scoti armele si sa inaintezi, sa te aperi.

English version

A headache has met me since I opened my eyes.

Lately, it has become a habit to wake up with pain, to rush to work and other activities.

I forgot who I was … I forgot what I want. I forgot that I am a simple human, who besides work and family still exist. Hobbies? While? I barely have time to do my duty as an employee and wife.

In short, I became a robot who works, ah and who is also sick. This month I was also sick, I think from stress and irritability.

Very often I wanted to come back here on the blog. I had a huge desire to write, to put my thoughts in virtual space in my world.

It seems strange to me. A few months ago I was another person, a joyful, smiling one, I could read hope in my eyes. I was delighted by every ray of sunshine, I was glad to see a loved one … it was me.

Now it’s not like that. That Catalina is slowly losing, slowly to the detriment of another Cataline. A cold Catalina, silent and obedient. A Catalina who no longer accepts small excuses and reproaches, another person who closes easily, easily in her. A Catalina far too serious and too „saturated” by the outside world.

At present, I have other tastes, other ideas and concepts. I do not even know when I developed and honest to be, it irritates me because it does not characterize me, it’s not me.

But the world is cold and bad, and in order to keep it safe, you have to take a harder skin. You have to know how to behave and fight, because life is a real war, and you, if you want to survive, it is necessary to bring weapons and to advance, to defend yourself.

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(Unsplash source)